Hello everyone, and welcome to Hard Drive, Version 1.4.0.!
First of all, we would like to thank everyone for enjoying Hard Drive since its initial release back in 2017. That being said, we here at Hard Drive HQ are determined to bring you the most current, up-to-date, and above all ethical journalism about all things gaming. Version 1.4.0. adds some enormous changes, many of which fans have been calling for, alongside some quality of life improvements.
The updates are as follows:
- Increased spawn rate of articles shitting on your favorite game.
- Fixed issue where some Hard Drive contributors actually enjoy DC Cinematic Universe.
- Fixed bug where bugs were infesting editor’s basement apartment.
- Enabled friendly fire in comment section.
- Added higher resolution banner advertisements.
- Nostalgia for N64 increased by 25%.
- Increased rate of subreddit moderators deleting our articles for no goddamn reason.
- D&D group now has an additional 12 hours of schedule availability per week, but only when you have work.
- Added political commentary.
- Shit, that went poorly. Removed political commentary.
- Fuck, now the other side is upset with us. Reverted political commentary to pre-patch levels.
- Corrected an issue where readers would clip through browser window and into the Soundless Void for all of eternity.
- All writer headshots now drawn by Rob Liefeld.
- Replaced Hard Drive contributor pay with high-fives.
- Added desperate attempt to write article about Fornite coaches.
- Removed Herobrine references.
- Still working on bug where Editor-In-Chief Jeremy Kaplowitz appears permanently in T-Pose.
- Updated hindsight opinions about Spider-Man 3 actually being good.
- Boosted damage caused by parental disappointment.
See you in the next one, where we add loot boxes for different website color schemes (but not the one you want, never the one you want.)