BLOOD GULCH — A new report revealed that an energy sword wielded by Master Chief ran out of bullets in the middle of combat, rendering the sword completely useless.
“I was in the middle of crushing this enormous flood of enemies when it ran out of bullets and just stopped working,” said Master Chief, stowing the sword and switching to his battle rifle. “I haven’t tried swinging it since it ran out of bullets, partly out of respect for the sword but mainly because it would be a waste of time. It’s not going to do anything if it’s out of bullets. Might as well just throw it on the ground.”
“I wish someone would invent a sword that didn’t need bullets; that would be great,” Master Chief said, blowing open an enemy with a precision headshot.
John Taylor, a weapons researcher at a local university, was confused upon hearing that the sword could no longer be used after running out of bullets.
“Wait, people just stop using the sword when the bullet counter runs out?” Taylor asked, staring blankly. “It’s a sword. Like, it’s still sharp. You can just swing it. I don’t understand the issue. Yeah, it may not do all the energy stuff when you use it, but you can definitely stab the hell out of someone with that thing. Why does it even have a bullet counter? I mean, what is it measuring? You can just keep swinging the thing even if it’s at zero.”
At press time, Master Chief reportedly ran out of bullets for his battle rifle. Sources say he continued fighting off enemies by using the rifle as a melee weapon instead.
