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Rockstar Confirms 21st Century Release Window for GTA 6

NEW YORK — After years of speculation, Rockstar has confirmed that Grand Theft Auto 6 will definitely release before 2099, sources have confirmed. 

“Damn, I was hoping they were going to tell us a little more, but I’ll take it,” said Tracy George, a local gamer and longtime fan of the franchise, who’s eagerly awaiting the series’ first new entry since 2013. “I guess it’s like the half empty or half full glass. On one hand, they’ve confirmed it and given us an estimated release window. That’s something! On the other hand, I’m now worried that I won’t still be alive when the game comes out.” 

While gamers were skeptical, many within the industry praised the controversial studio’s newfound work conditions. 

“Hey, if they’re not working their people to the bone anymore, I’m fine with it taking a couple more decades,” said Michael Greer, a freelance games journalist. “I’d rather my grandchildren play games made by fairly compensated workers than enjoy the work produced by toxic conditions. Oh, but you know something? I am also just now realizing I’m probably stuck writing GTA6 preview pieces for the rest of my adult life, and that’s kind of a bummer.” 

Executives said they waited to make an announcement until they were certain the game would be ready this century. 

“Don’t want to rush into anything like this,” said Dan Houser, an executive producer of Grand Theft Auto 6. “If we got too excited and announced this too early, well, it might really blow up in our face. That’s why we thought it was best to take over ten years to focus on this game before making any sort of announcement, as well as make sure we never, ever, release anything that isn’t a mainline Grand Theft Auto game ever again. Frankly, I don’t know why we used to do that. We had a lot to learn.” 

“Grand Theft Auto six!” he exclaimed. “In stores some time before the Grand Theft Auto V Centennial Online Celebration!” 

As of press time, Rockstar announced they’d also begun work on Red Dead Redemption 3, and that it would be set in 1980’s Vice City. 

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