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Rockstar Announces ‘Grand Theft Auto VI’ Will Have Over 1,000 Planets You Can Visit

NEW YORK CITY — While details about their long awaited Grand Theft Auto 6 remain scarce, Rockstar Games recently revealed that the upcoming sequel will have over 1,000 planets you can visit, sources have confirmed. 

“We’re not gonna be outdone by any other game, including Starfield,” said Dan Houser, an executive producer of Grand Theft Auto 6. “So while it wasn’t in our initial plans, when I first heard about what they were doing over at Bethesda, I called an all hands on deck meeting and had everyone come in one Saturday, well not me, I zoomed in, but I told them that our game had to do the planets thing too. It’s caused further delays to the game’s release, as I’m sure you can understand, but do you guys want the 1,000 planets or not?”

The surprise announcement garnered mixed reactions from gamers. 

“That’s why it’s taking so damn long?” asked local gamer George Hogan. “Because they’re putting in space exploration? Huh. On one hand, this almost certainly will push the game’s release back to the 2030 window, so that sucks. On the other hand, I love exploring a big open world in these games, and well, it sounds like I might get to do a thousand of them. So hopefully it will be worth the wait. Oh man, there’s definitely going to be a whole stripper planet, huh?” 

GTA VI developers, however, seemed unanimously worried about the ambitious changes to the project. 

“We just have to add this shit in there, I guess?” asked programmer Melanie Turner. “They haven’t told us how the players are getting to planets, they haven’t told us how they expect us to incorporate it into the storyline we’ve been working on for years, they really just sent us some Starfield TikToks one night and wrote ‘we do 2?’ in the email. At this rate, I’m going to quit this job before Rockstar gets the chance to lay us all off once the game is done.” 

As of press time, Rockstar developers confirmed that Uranus would be one of the planets available for players to explore, after which they all snickered and fist bumped.