NEW YORK — Another huge celebrity has come forward to address their involvement with disgraced rapper, producer, and record executive Sean “Diddy” Combs, sources confirm.
“I figured since everyone keeps asking why he had a Kaiju-sized amount of lube in his home, it was time to come forward and tell my story,” the Oscar-winning monster said as he wiped sweat off his brow with one of his five foot talons. “I didn’t even want to do another film, honestly, but my agent was insistent. He convinced me to go international, even though American cinema has a terrible history of butchering foreign classics. I should’ve taken the title of the song ‘Come With Me’ as my first hint to put my tail between my legs and head back into the ocean, but Matthew Broderick is one of my favorite actors, so I couldn’t say no.”
With 120 new allegations reported in the last week, many musicians and other celebrities have scrambled to distance themselves from Diddy and the giant lizard.
“Kong no work with Zilla if Kong knew Zilla’s involvement with Diddy. Kong no like Diddy’s music anyway, Kong prefer Ma$e,” said Godzilla’s longtime onscreen foe, King Kong. “Zilla come back to set greased up like village hog, even during New Empire. This no end in 1998.”
Fans were confused and upset by the kaiju’s confession.
“I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. He’s literally a monster,” said Chad Craddock, a lifelong tokusatsu enthusiast. “I thought he had left that side of him behind him when he defended the earth against Ghidorah, but it turns out that the movies had their roles totally backwards. Godzilla was aiding a predator while King Ghidorah was chilling with MF DOOM. I know which daikaiju I’d be rooting for in that matchup.”
Diddy was not the only problematic musician on the hit track from the 1998 movie’s soundtrack, which was built over a sample of Jimmy Page’s iconic guitar riff from Led Zeppelin’s “Kashmir.” At press time, Jimmy Page refused to comment when asked if he had ever brought his teenage girlfriend Lori Mattix to any of Combs’ “freak-offs.”
