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Geoff Keighley Starts Martial Arts Training in Preparation for Stage Crashers at This Year’s Game Awards

LOS ANGELES Game Awards presenter Geoff Keighley announced he’s undergoing intense martial arts training to prepare for the Game Awards occurring this December, directly in response to the startling increase in stage crashers during events he has hosted over the last year.

“I’ll admit, I thought the first one was a fluke,” said Keighley, 45, speaking of the 2023 Game Awards last December while he practiced his punches against the trunk of an old oak tree in his backyard. “It was a 15-year-old kid who was ranting about rabbis and Bill Clinton. My first thought was ‘Wow, somebody in security really messed up. A little weird, but these things happen’.”

While the stage crasher was brought offstage and arrested immediately, Keighley found that the notoriety from it only encouraged copycats.

“After that were the two guys from Opening Night Live in August,” he continued as he worked on breaking pieces of lumber in half with his high kicks. “One of them rushed at me to grab the mic while yelling about GTA 6. I swear I saw my whole life flash before my eyes. After that was over, I vowed that I would stop the next stage crasher with my own two hands.”

As he polished his katana with a look of determination in his eyes, Keighley said that the stakes could not be higher for him personally.

“A one-time occurrence is just a weird thing. Two times is a coincidence. If this happens a third time, it will become a meme, and then every show I host or present for the rest of my career will be plagued with them.”

Keighley was last seen sitting in his car in the parking lot of his dojo, cutting the sleeves off of all his suit jackets for better mobility.