CHAMPAIGN, Ill. — A local power strip became a victim of gentrification when a longtime resident PS3 was forced out of its outlet and replaced with an Xbox One S, sources confirmed.
“This was a very tough decision for me,” said power strip owner, Brian Gable. “I have a lot of fond memories with that PS3. Staying up late, pwning the fuck out of noobs on Black Ops 2. Man, those guys never even stood a chance. But there are barely any new games for the PS3 these days, and I play my Xbox One way more. They both need outlets, but there’s only so much space on the strip. Nothing stays forever, you know.”
Close friends were upset to hear that another of Gable’s aging gaming systems had been uprooted from its home.
“I can’t believe it, to be honest,” said childhood friend Steve Zusmann. “That console was rich with history and memories. I had a lot of fun playing games on that thing with Brian. It’s a real shame that the other consoles in the power strip aren’t going to have the chance to learn from it and live alongside it. It’s really a sign of the times.”
According to sources, Gable’s roommates are celebrating the fact that the old console is finally gone from their shared living space.
“That antique was nothing but an eye sore,” remarked Gable’s roommate, Donavon Shires. “Something like that doesn’t belong in this apartment, and quite frankly, it was embarrassing having to say I live with a guy who still had such old technology lying around. I’m glad we’ve finally begun to revitalize this area. Maybe we can even get a 4K television soon.”
Sources say that while things have stabilized on the power strip for the time being, Gable is rumored to be exploring options for a new power strip from Amazon with built-in USB ports that would threaten to displace the old power strip entirely.
We’ve launched a brand new podcast network. Check out the newest episode of the Hard Drive podcast where we watch and discuss every episode of 1989’s The Super Mario Bros. Super Show!