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Gaming Convention Lets Fans Try Out This Year’s New Diseases Before Anyone Else

NEW YORK — A yearly gaming convention has drawn gamers from all over the world that are excited to try out next year’s new diseases before anyone else gets to. 

“Oh, now this is really exciting right here,” said games journalist Laurie Stockton of the fever-like symptoms she was experiencing after spending a few hours on the floor of the ButtonFest ’22 convention. “What I’m feeling here are a lot of the typical things associated with an open world disease, phlegm and fatigue and a sore throat, but it’s all been repackaged in such a way that it feels original. I think the breathing public is really going to take to whatever this illness is that I have contracted when it’s released to the public later this year.” 

Many have alleged that it was irresponsible to carry on with the convention as planned despite COVID-19 diagnosis still being prevalent. 

“I get that these conventions and expos have been planned and booked, and that they’ve always been in person in the past,” said Ethan Jones, a concerned games journalist. “But also, we’re still losing a 9/11s worth of people a week to this shit, and as much as we like to pretend it’s completely gone away, there’s just nothing responsible about gathering thousands of people into a big showroom so that they can play video games of all things.” 

“However, I wouldn’t miss it for anything,” he added, coughing on the showroom floor as he played a hands-on demo of Sonic Frontiers.

ButtonFest ’22 organizers have insisted that they’ve conducted this year’s show with the safety of everyone involved in mind. 

“We take the health of our attendees very seriously,” said Richard McKay, one of the festival’s organizers. “And as such, we are adhering closely to the CDC’s most recent guidelines of, ‘Wash your hands often,’ and ‘Hey, you know, maybe don’t sneeze into someone’s mouth while they’re yawning.’ We think if everyone pays close attention to these guidelines, maybe the infectious diseases won’t spread to everyone standing around next to each other here for three days.” 

As of press time, industry insiders confirmed that this year’s new diseases would be free-to-play and available across all regions. 

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