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GameStop Employee Recommends ‘New Game: Expensive Edition’

GRAPEVINE, Texas — GameStop headquarters have reportedly started telling employees to push customers to purchase New Game: Expensive Edition, sources say.

In a company-wide email, Ryan Cohen, GameStop’s newly appointed CEO, introduced the company’s latest game partnership. “We are happy to announce our collaboration with $HUNGRY$ Studios in anticipation for their upcoming release, New Game: Expensive Edition. The newest game in the New Game franchise is set to release during the upcoming holiday season. Until then, every GameStop employee is expected to recommend this game to absolutely everyone who walks into our stores.”

The email went on to detail unique phrases that can steer conversation towards pre-ordering the upcoming release.

“You seem like a gaming aficionado, I know just the game for you,” read one such quote from the email. “Woah there, moneybags! That sure is a lot of Funko Pops, can I interest you in something even more financially irresponsible?” 

The corporate memo also came attached with a pitch package full of slogans and buzzwords about the game itself.

“Did you know New Game: Expensive Edition is the highest ranked game on the Microsoft Store filtered by price highest to lowest?”

At press time, New Game: Expensive Edition: Collector’s Edition: Game of the Year Edition has been announced starting at twice your rent.