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Game’s Entire Development Budget Spent Coming Up With Cute Little Puns for the Achievements

NEW YORK — Developers of an upcoming independent video game revealed they’ve blown most of their budget coming up with fun little puns for the achievement names, sources have confirmed. 

“Wow, we really screwed the pooch here,” said Isaac Redd, director of the upcoming Pisticuffs. “We all agreed early on that we wanted this game to ooze charm and personality and just all of the positive things a game can ooze. In hindsight, maybe not the worst idea, but we should not have started with things like the funny achievement names and little loading screen gags and whatnot.” 

“We should’ve built an engine or something, maybe come up with some characters,” he continued. “Hell, I don’t know.” 

Programmers who had been working on Pisticuffs until recently concurred with Redd’s assessment that he’d been mismanaging company time and money.  

“One on hand I was upset when they cut my team to hire more writers for the achievements,” said Lee Sharkey, one of many employees that have been laid off. “But on the other hand, I do not miss that work environment one bit. Instead of outlines or conceptual art, we were often handed notecards with weird phrases on them like ‘Let’s Taco ‘Bout Crafting!’ and ‘Christopher Walken Around!’ How am I supposed to design levels around these phrases?”

Others that have been working on the game disputed the claims. 

“Best job I’ve ever had in my life,” said Chuck Nathan, a buddy of Redd’s who had been working at a restaurant prior to being brought onto the game’s Pun Team. “I was so sick of the service industry, and the offices here are so great. The pun writer’s assistants can get a little snooty sometimes, but if that’s the worst part of my job, I’m happy, you know what I mean?” 

As of press time, Pisticuffs’ social media had posted a picture of a potato and announced that the game was entering an ‘indefinite fry-atus.’ 

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