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Gamers Organize Massive Anti-Gamer Rally to Stop Gamers

WASHINGTON — Gamers from around the world gathered at the U.S. Capitol yesterday to demand action against gamers and everything they stand for.

“Gamers have always been a problem, don’t get me wrong — but there are more of us than ever before. It’s getting out of control. There should be checks in place to make sure we don’t get what we want,” said local gamer Chris Rosen, who also attended a march for the right to use slurs in chat. “When gamers win, everybody loses.”

The event brought together a highly diverse crowd of gamers, who set aside their differences to agree on one thing: Gamers are bad.

“There’s an old stereotype of the gamer, where it’s always a schlubby white guy. That’s bullshit. There are gamers from every corner of humanity, every gender and race and whatever else,” said Trish Zapata, who moderates seven Facebook meme groups, “and each of us is annoying in our own unique way. We must be stopped.”

The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) held a counterprotest across the street, insisting that gamers should share the same rights as any other group.

“We may not be gamers ourselves, but we believe they should be allowed to advocate for themselves and their hobby, with no fear of persecution,” said Debby Anderson, a prominent local activist. “That is their right as human beings.”

After a few hours observing the gamers, however, the ACLU protest dispersed.

“Fuck this,” said Anderson, throwing away her sign and heading home. “Those people are insufferable.”

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