Highway Shoulder – Dead gamer Josh Cummings’ Driver’s License reportedly notes that he will not donate his face to a teabagger in need should he die, which he just did, reports confirm.
“I just find it a bit selfish,” David Rhineheart, a first responder on the scene, said. “That’s a perfectly good face that a gamer could use to really celebrate the kill but no, he won’t let it happen.”
“I mean the steering wheel went straight through his chest, there’s no safe revive happening, just let it happen man,” he added.
According to police, the driver’s license also gave strict instructions for the dead gamer to have a viking funeral at the location of his death and for his loot to be split amongst his teammates.
“Yeah, we’re not doing any of that,” Rhineheart said. “He had some old torn up sweatshirt and a couple bucks on him, we just put it in the trash.”
The decision to not donate his face to those on the county’s teabag waitlist left some families with little hope their loved ones would ever receive a face in time.
“My little Jimmy, he’s been waiting for years,” Samantha Klein, 46, said. “All of his friends have a face to celebrate on. The county says there are others who need it more but he’s waited a long time. The system does not work for Gamers. Something has to be done.”
According to medical experts many on the wait list will likely never get a chance to teabag.
“Honestly, if you don’t go out there and earn it, you probably won’t get it,” Tara Bradley, head of Standford’s biology department, said. “My team and I have been waiting to get some fresh faces for a teabagging study for years and nothing. I think we’ll just have to start doorcamping like those bastards at MIT.”
At press time sources confirmed Cummings had lost his fight in the gulag and was sent straight to hell.
