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Gamer Perfectly Balances Work, School, and Social Life in Persona by Ignoring All Those Things in Real Life

COLUMBUS – Local gamer Daniel Thomas has reportedly achieved the impossible, flawlessly balancing work, school, and a vibrant social life in Persona by being one of the most unreliable people you’ve ever met.

According to reports, the Persona series is renowned for its unique blend of role-playing, social simulation, and dungeon-crawling gameplay. The most dedicated players, like Thomas, navigate the protagonist’s life, attending school, building relationships, and engaging in various activities to the extreme detriment of their actual responsibilities.

“I’ve amassed a small fortune by juggling multiple part-time jobs,” Thomas said of his in-game net worth. “I put in solid hours every day – even weekends. No days off.”

Family and ex-friends say Thomas excels academically, diligently maximizing study time within the Persona 5 universe by withdrawing from community college after the first semester.

“I hadn’t heard from him in months. He wouldn’t respond to any texts,” an ex-friend said on condition of anonymity. “Then he texts me about some new class he’s taking and he needs help with it. A few minutes into our Discord voice chat I noticed he was referencing a class in Persona.”

Thomas has assured concerned family he is doing well and spends most of his free time socializing, making friends, and going on romantic dates with the love of his life.

“He posts on Instagram celebrating all these life milestones like ‘happy six months babe,’” the ex-friend said. “I thought it was a filter at first but nope, it’s just a screenshot from the game.”

As of press time Thomas had not returned any of our additional calls and was nearly unreachable despite reports he was shown as active on Discord.

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