MAUMEE, Ohio — Local gamer Tyler Wozen, while trying to impress a date with his experiences in high school, lied about his senior prom by describing a scene from Final Fantasy 8.
“He claimed he wanted to go just to stand around. Like, he said he wasn’t a good dancer, but in high school he liked leaning up against walls,” said the woman on a date with Wozen, Sandra Connor. “I mean, that’s not too weird; everyone has a weird thing they liked doing as teens. So he’s just there, leaning, having a great time, and some woman drags him onto the dance floor, saying how hot he was, and she wants to dance. That’s when I started to wonder if he was actually describing something that actually happened in a cutscene from a PlayStation JRPG from the ‘90s.”
Eventually Connor became even more skeptical of the story.
“I really started to think he was full of shit when he said that he started performing better at the dance after bumping into another couple,” explained Connor. “Plus, honestly, what high school have you ever heard of that has a massive ballroom with a marble floor and a giant glass ceiling you can watch fireworks through? At best, all of my school dances just took place in our gym. But he knew he screwed up when he tried to claim that his high school’s FFA garden contained a living dinosaur.”
At press time, Woven reportedly tried to change subjects and impress Connor with his military background, but Connor quickly figured out the story was false when Wozen accidentally included an anecdote about fighting a priest who turned into a dragon.