TORONTO – Hardcore gamer Bryce Wilkinson has cracked this whole thing wide open, despite multiple indications that he’s based his core assertions on an incorrect assumption.
“One company is responsible for feminizing the entirety of Western gaming by rewriting plots, redesigning characters, destroying masculine values, and even showing me images of people who don’t look like me,” Wilkinson told Hard Drive, projecting a thin film of saliva into the air with every word.
The one company in question, Sweet Baby Inc., is a Montreal-based narrative design consultancy firm and also, as per a crack investigation by some of the Internet’s strangest little freaks, the source of all evil.
“They pretend to be about narrative development, particularly in terms of inclusive world-building and cultural accuracy. But that’s all a cover,” Wilkinson said while gesturing wildly at a detective-styled board on his wall. “If we don’t fight back now every white male gamer will be in prison in a matter of weeks.”
Sweet Baby’s working process is exhaustively detailed on its website and in several articles, which also features testimony from multiple past collaborators, another sign that perhaps there’s no telling how high this thing goes, some noted.
“We’ve found through focus testing that games tend to perform better when they naturally represent diverse characters and perspectives, since we’re trying to sell these games to everyone in the world,” said Dylan Hopkins, a junior narrative designer on Marvel’s Spider-Man 2. “In other words, it’s demographics, not a conspiracy. We’re trying to make money. And we don’t want anything offensive to accidentally slip in, an effort which ultimately offended a group of people online I suppose.”
Despite multiple testimonies similar to Hopkins being easily found online, none were included in the theories that continue to circulate via social media that Sweet Baby is behind the collapse of Western Gaming Civilization.
“The media is in on it too – no surprise since they all sleep together. They trade hot woke sex for positive reviews and inclusive quotas,” Wilkinson said via Discord DM. “Of course I’m not invited but I can’t even be an unbiased, neutral observer? So much for being ‘inclusive’ if they won’t even let me watch.”
At time of writing, Sweet Baby had released a comment that was simply the word “sigh.”
