Local gamer David Jackson, 32, has reportedly reassured others his eternal damnation to roll a gargantuan boulder up Mt. Vesuvius improves dramatically after the first 100 hours.
“It’s boring, it’s a grind, and you’re constantly screaming in agony for the gods to end your suffering,” said Jackson, clearly shaking with effort to move the infinitely heavy boulder. “But then, you sorta settle into a rhythm you know? You enjoy the feeling of making progress and the grind turns into something you sort of look forward to. You really start to understand and appreciate the mechanics of putting one foot in front of the other as your muscles cry out in pain.”
According to sources close to Jackson who spoke on the condition of anonymity, he has even attempted to persuade friends into joining him in his tragic fate.
“Yeah, he kept telling us to give it a shot, he even offered to buy us our own boulders? I thought that was pretty weird but hey, the whole situation is pretty strange when you think about it,” said one of Jackson’s friends. “It doesn’t look like it’s any fun though. He’s up there for eternity trying to push that boulder and it doesn’t really look like he’s making any progress. I don’t get the appeal.”
Despite his friends differing views, Jackson does not seem deterred at all from his point of view.
“It’s like, they start rolling the boulder and keep saying that ‘it’s boring’ or ‘it’s pointless’ or ‘the gods have truly abandoned you to this hellish eternity,’” said David. “But they won’t stick around to get to the good part! Trust me, even after the first dozen hours the agonizing pain and boredom begins to dull.”
At press time, Johnson was seen taking a break from the boulder to download Death Stranding.
