Press "Enter" to skip to content

Game Studio Grinds Employees Into Dirt for 72 on Metacritic

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — A recently leaked internal memo from video game developer Jamtown Studios about working conditions leading up to their recently released character-action game Harmonious has made the rounds of social media today.

Per the memo:

“We are in a dire situation. We must band together and push through to the finish line. This is going to take a lot of sacrifices, a lot of late nights, a lot of missed time with loved ones, but it’ll all be worth it in the end. We are creating something life changing. Something that’ll leave an impact on this world. Something that will stay just above having a 6 handle on Metacritic.

If you have any questions, please follow up with your manager or Jennifer as I will be on vacation with my family until the end of the month. Get the patch out.”

At press time, Harmonious currently holds a 72 on Metacritic.

“We were working 80+ hour weeks. Some people were sleeping in their cars” said a Senior Engineer who requested to remain anonymous. “We had a running bet each day to see who would get a migraine first before lunch. The winner would get the sole Excedrin pill corporate is willing to pay for.”

Reviews of Harmonious noted that the game is “uninspired,” “relies heavily on overplayed story tropes,” and “has a combat system that is fun for the first 30 minutes, but becomes bland very quickly.”

Additional Jamtown Studios devs, who wished to remain anonymous, confirmed the working conditions required to receive the elusive C- grade.

“We had people collapsing in the halls,” said a Junior Artist. “In my area of the office, it wasn’t uncommon to hear someone scream in pain. It was their hand seizing up from overuse. You’d just be glad it wasn’t you and keep going.”

“We’d constantly get new feature requests from upper management or department heads and just pray they would change their mind again before we wasted any time working on them,” said a Producer on the gameplay team. “I just felt so bad for our QA Testers on the team too. You’d see them come in, but never see them leave.”

Harmonious is currently available for purchase and discounted at all major retailers.

We\'re giving away 50 Hard Drive t-shirts and other merch items to Patrons this week.
Become a patron at Patreon!