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Game Store Offers Free Vintage Smells

SAN JOSE, Calif. — A local throwback gaming store is reportedly offering free smells from bygone eras, local shoppers have confirmed. 

“Oh man, what a cool store,” said Todd Westinghouse, a customer that recently checked out Level Two Games for the first time. “They had all kinds of old consoles and games I haven’t thought about in years. I bought a Sega Game Gear! All the employees were pretty cool too. If I had one complaint about my experience, it’s that the store sort of smells like someone spilled some Hi-C Ecto Cooler in an old gym bag and left it there for five years or something. I was holding my breath by the end and ran the hell out of there before I even got to look at all the games. Other than that, this place is great, though.” 

The owner of the store said he wasn’t aware that he’d been recirculating old retro smells 

“Oh, I didn’t realize my store had a funk to it, as you call it,” said Chuck Blonde, owner of Level Two Games. “I spend most days here, so I guess I’m sort of numb to it. How did you describe it again? Like I poured used cat litter into a VCR and put it in the microwave? That’s a little much, don’t you think? I mean, yeah, the cat somehow took a shit in the VCR last week, but I didn’t put it in the microwave or anything. You’re being absurd.” 

Although repulsive to some, other customers say the vintage aromas add to the authentic nature of the experience. 

“Sure, you could emulate any old game system you want for free at home and use software to tweak the experience to your liking,” said Al Kern, a frequent customer of the store. “But you can’t download a ROM that will make your room smell like sweaty coins and stale pizza. This place is the real deal. Sometimes I come down here just to huff the inside of the Atari cartridges. You just can’t do that anywhere else.” 

As of press time, Blonde had firmly reminded everyone not to huff the inside of the Atari cartridges.