NEW YORK — While on a trip to the grocery store to restock for quarantine, games journalist Benny Kleiner had to breathlessly duck behind a trash can and remain completely still to avoid being echolocated by a clicking and chattering Naughty Dog PR representative.
“All I wanted was a few frozen pizzas and a can of instant coffee but it nearly cost me my life,” said Kleiner, recalling the incident. “It all started when I wrote that review for The Last of Us Part 2 and gave it a 7 out of 10. Ever since it was published I’ve been hearing that clicking sound outside of my window every single night along with whispered voices saying ‘the conclusions you reached were unfair’ and stuff along those lines.”
In addition to halting all movement when coming into contact with a suspected Naughty Dog operative, Kleiner also devised clever methods to avoid them entirely.
“I’m running low on meat in my freezer, so I’ll need to brave the outside world pretty soon. That’s why I set up Google alerts for Jason Schreier’s Twitter account. I’m just waiting for him to tweet some shit like ‘Video games could be marginally better than they are currently’ so that the Sauron-like eye of Neil Druckmann can focus all of Naughty Dog’s attention on him,” said Kleiner. “That’s when I make my move and huff it down to Trader Joe’s.”
When reached for a response, a representative from Naughty Dog said, “OOAHKT-T-T-T, CHKT-CHKT-CHKT-KT-KT-KT-KT, AAAHK-KT-KT!”
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