BOSTON — A frugal gamer who is rapidly running out of games to play has decided to wait until the nation’s next unspeakable tragedy to pick up a thousand games for five bucks through Itch.io, sources have confirmed.
“Hmm, I need something new to play, but I’m a little strapped for cash,” said local skinflint Troy Willows. “I’m finally finishing up everything I wanted to play from the Ukrainian support bundle, and that was timed nicely with me finishing up the stuff I wanted to play from the Bundle for Racial Justice and Equality from the year before. But now it’s 2022, and I am really hoping something horrible happens soon, because I’m just so bored with all the stuff I have.”
The frugal gamer has come under fire for his thrifty strategy.
“Okay, even if you oddly only had five bucks a year to spend on games,” said Lana Osborne, a local gamer that objected to Willows’ strategic banking on future tragedy based bundles. “It’s so glib to just wait for something awful to happen so you can resupply your backlog. Plus, does this person know they could play Rocket League, Fortnite, Apex Legends, Fall Guys, League of Legends, or any other number of free games? That they don’t have to just wait for itch bundles? The whole thing feels gross. Can’t deny that it’s a good deal, though!”
As of press time Willows was seen googling “Donald Trump classified files itch bundle.”