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FromSoftware Announces Next CEO Will Be Two Junior Managers With a Lot of Health

TOKYO FromSoftware announced today that upon current CEO Hidetaka Miyazaki’s eventual retirement, the company will avoid appointing a new executive, and will just put two semi-threatening junior managers in the head office with a bunch of extra health instead.

“While Miyazaki has no plans to depart yet, we invite our Chosen Employed to look towards the future challenges that await them,” FromSoftware’s HR department explained, in an internal memo made up of a few cryptic sentences that somehow reveal too much and too little at the same time. “Ready yourselves, for Manager (Pantsuit) and Manager (Suspenders) will await you in the #EXECUTIVEROOM.”

Following the announcement, Miyazaki was asked — possibly rhetorically — if he honestly thought anyone would approve of this decision.

“Promoting these two managers, instead of training a unique and memorable CEO, saves time and money that could be better spent on decor and utilities,” Miyazaki said, indicating elaborate bas-reliefs and awkward one-way doors throughout the company’s headquarters. “If they enjoyed sucking up to managers dozens of times throughout their career, they’ll love the challenge of tougher, harder-to-avoid managers! Trust me, ‘two juiced-up normal employees in a senior office’ is second only to ‘hallways with knee-deep poison sludge’ when it comes to making our staff motivated.”

However, employees who received advance notice about the managerial duo-boss are frustrated by what they see as a low-effort encounter.

“Dealing with Miyazaki-sama is a challenge, sure, but it’s a fair and satisfying challenge that has me looking forward to my performance reviews,” FromSoftware junior concept artist Sachihito Yamada complained on a company message board. “Beyond the laziness of reusing perfectly good managers, how am I supposed to schmooze one boss when the other one’s behind me, winding up an attack I can’t even see? Great music, though, for some reason.”

For the sake of challenge, Miyazaki assured staff that Manager (Suspenders) would inflict Curse buildup, just to keep things interesting.

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