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Flustered Boyfriend Totally Swamped Preparing for 300th Episode of Podcast No One Listens To

Boyfriend Daniel Hans is highly irritable and snappy ahead of the 300th episode spectacular of his podcast Guys Night, sources currently giving him some space and not sure what the point of all this is, confirmed.

“Oh yeah, that’ll be good for the show,” Hans snapped at his best friend and cohost of 8 years after learning he had a cold ahead of the big night. “You think the audience wants to hear you sniffling for three and half hours as we break down 50 First Dates?”

References to “the audience” or “community” seem aspirational at best, sources confirmed.

“Daniel is a good guy. He has a stable job, my parents love him,” Allie Bercher, a pre-med student currently dating Hans, said. “But I saw the stats to the show one time and I thought something was broken so I said, ‘can you hit refresh so they load?’ and he freaked out. Men can be so sensitive you gotta be careful what you say.”

Bercher is not upset with the show and always encourages Hans to follow his passions, but that hasn’t helped ease tensions around the apartment, she said.

“It’s great to have hobbies. But when I call it a hobby he freaks out,” Bercher said. “The other day he burst in the room super upset saying Joe Rogan got another $250 million. It sounded like he thought of himself as a runner up or something.”

Confident that the slow and steady grind of gaining roughly the same amount of listeners he loses each month will pay off in the long run, Hans has no intention of slowing down his commitment to the podcast.

“We’re leftist, but in the way that we read what other leftists online say and then we say that, too,” Hans said of the target demographic of the show, which has run for the last 8 years and built an audience of around 100 downloads per episode. “I also spent some time in the IT department at a few online retailers so I bring that perspective to the show as well.”

The podcast game isn’t a level playing field where true talent rises to the top, Hans explained.

“We’re being held back,” Hans said of his access to massive multi-billion dollar discovery platforms, which use cutting edge technology to spread images and ideas around the world to more people than ever before in human history, for free, 24/7, and the simple, remote recording and editing tools widely available to anyone such that him and his friends can record, edit, produce, publish, and distribute something akin to a radio show at a total cost of approximately $30 a month. “Probably because of our politics.”

Paul Givens, head of the psychology department at UCLA, has been studying the effects of easy access to podcasting for several years.

“Ah yes, there is a large percentage of the male population that needs, emotionally, to have ‘a show’ to work on,” Givens said. “This show can be anything really – as it just represents a sort of last gasp if you will – their last attempt at building an audience for their ‘takes.’ The studies show eventually around 35 or 40 years old these men tend to find a different kind of audience: a life partner willing to listen to them complain how undervalued they are at a job outside the entertainment industry. This is where they are happiest.”

As of press time Hans was seen anxiously checking his email to see if his latest of several background RGB lighting fixtures was scheduled to arrive in time for the big show.

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