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Every Puppy Bowl Athlete Ranked by How Much I Love Them

Sunday was the biggest, most spectacular, and most important event of the year. It was an event of epic proportions in which two teams composed of the most elite competitors faced off against one another to determine who was the very best. There was the defending champion team who had won the previous two years in a row going up against the only team good enough to possibly dethrone them. It was the clash of the titans.

I am of course talking about the Puppy Bowl.

Over 100 puppies from shelters across the United States formed two teams to compete in the 20th Puppy Bowl. While there was only one victorious team — GO TEAM RUFF — every single puppy athlete was a winner just for being them. I love them all and here’s my ranking of all the Puppy Bowl athletes based on just how much I love them.

#1: Bark Purdy

Hailing from the Sacramento SPCA in Sacramento, California Bark Purdy not only wins hearts but unlike his namesake can win the big game as Team Fluff was victorious in this year’s Puppy Bowl.

#1: Cronut

#1: CronutComing from the Shar-Pei Rescue of Virginia in Chesapeake, Virginia, Cronut is just as likely to ask you to work overtime filling out expense reports as he is to ask you to work overtime giving him belly rubs.

#1: Stryker

Stryker comes from Green Dogs Unleashed in Troy, Virginia. He has a fairly busy schedule but assures you that he’ll collie you back as soon as he gets the chance.

#1: Harvey

Coming to us from Pug Nation LA in Gardena, California. Harvey was this year’s recipient of the Underdog Award for his attempts to help his team despite his penchant for napping on the field. Some may say that cost them the game but those people are wrong. Harvey is an inspiration to nappers everywhere.

#1: Vanessa

Hailing from Brandywine Valley SPCA in West Chester, Pennsylvania, Vanessa is a dog who knows what she wants, and what she wants is your heart. Vanessa always gets what she wants.

#1: Francine

From Rescue Dogs Rock in NYC comes Francine. She’s an absolute star. When she’s not scoring touchdowns she’s avoiding the puparazzi trying to disturb her walkies.

#1: Guy Fureri

Hailing from One Tail at A Time in Chicago, IL Guy Fureri is on a mission to conquer Flavortown, USA which coincidentally happens to be anywhere that food may be.

#1: Moosh

This year’s Puppy Bowl MVP comes from Green Dogs Unleashed in Troy, Virginia. Everybody wants to be Moosh’s best friend but more importantly, Moosh wants to be everyone’s best friend.

#1: Beignet

Coming to us from Take Paws Rescue in New Orleans, Louisiana Beignet is a little weiner with big dreams but he knows that anything is pawssible when you put your snoot to it.

#1: Mr. Bean

From the Barky Pines Animal Rescue and Sanctuary in West Palm Beach, Florida comes Mr. Bean. He was born without front legs but that’s just made his back legs stronger. There’s nothing that’s gonna bring Mr. Bean down.

#1: Lady Luck

Lady Luck comes from the Nevada SPCA in Las Vegas, Nevada. Luck may follow her everywhere but we’re the lucky ones for getting to witness her cuteness.

#1: Linus

Hailing from The Ronnie Stanley Foundation in Baltimore, Maryland. Linus won’t be giving you tech tips anytime soon but he will be bringing his blanket with him everywhere he goes while on the hunt for snuggles.

#1: Patrick Mabones

Coming from AHeinz57 Pet Rescue group in De Soto, Iowa, Patrick Mabones is a natural quarterback just like his namesake. Unlike his namesake, he won’t be upstaged by his teammate who’s dating Taylor Sniffed.

#1: Sonny

Hailing from Best Friends Animal Society in New York, NY is Sonny. He is guaranteed to be a ray of sunshine everywhere he goes. Sonny refuses to allow any of his friends to have a ruff day.

#1: Fred

Coming from the Helen Woodward Animal Center in Rancho Santa Fe, California, Fred would love nothing more than to curl on your lap and watch The Muttrix. Haters will say he’s not part teddy bear but with Maurey Povich no longer around doing DNA tests, it can’t be proven that he isn’t.

#1: Levi

Levi hails from Green Dogs Unleashed in Troy, Virginia. He is the largest pup ever to be in Puppy Bowl and that’s because it’s hard to fit so much majesty in one dog.

#1: Wilson

Wilson is the only companion you’d ever want while stranded on an island.

#1: Agatha

Who’s responsible for all these melted hearts? It was her all along.

#1: Sweetpea

At just 1.7 pounds Sweetpea is the smallest dog to ever compete in the Puppy Bowl. Unfortunately, she passed away shortly after competing due to health complications. While I’m not religious I would like to take this opportunity to offer myself to God in exchange for bringing back Sweetpea.

#1: Angus

Angus likes big mutts and he cannot lie.

#1: Hana

Hana’s ears are perked up and ready to hear you say how cute she is.

#1: Niner

Niner is named after how much I would rate his cuteness on a scale of 5.

#1: Shadow

Not will this Shadow have no trouble finding that fourth Chaos Emerald, but there will be so much extra time left for cuddles.

#1: Dash

I’ll be dashing over to hug him.

#1: Anza

Anza is the latest cover model of Vanity Fur.

#1: Apollo

Apollo is going to the moon because it’s made of cheese. That’s dangerous though so I’ll gladly go instead and I’ll bring Apollo all the cheese.

#1: Archie

Archie looks quite fetching today and every day.

#1: Arthur

Every day when you’re walking down the street and everybody that you meet has an original point of view. And I say hey, what a wonderful kind of day where I get to see Arthur.

#1: Athena

Athena is the Greek Goddess of wisdom and I’m pawsitive that Athena the dog is the Canine Goddess of Cuddles.

#1: Bailey

Bailey is my new best friend. Sorry, Jonah.

#1: Beemo

Somebody call G Cute Magazine because their next cover model has been found.

#1: Sadie

I don’t speak dog but if I did I would tell Sadie that her smile parted the sea of despair in my soul.

#1: Sasha

She’s the legit PAWSS.

#1: Sherlock

Sherlock Bones and the Case of the Missing Treats.

#1: Sierra

I have many things on my bucket list and all of them are petting this floof.

#1: Skipper

Look at that subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my God, it even has a nose boop mark.

#1: Small Ed

Small Ed is proof that size doesn’t matter.

#1: Snack Prescott

Snack Prescott wants a snack and I’m not gonna say no to that face.

#1: Tater

Tater is an appropriate name because I can’t get enough.

#1: Taylor

This fearless dog has a reputation for being a lover of treats and will speak now just to get one. I want to give her belly rubs evermore and cuddle her all midnights.

#1: Theodore

I will attend all of Theodore’s TED Walks.

#1: Thomas

Thomas I will die for you.

#1: Tornado

Call me Helen Hunt because all I want to do is follow Tornado around.

#1: Vasco

No officer, Vasco did not steal my heart, I gave it him, he can have it.

#1: Vega

Vega looks like he’s disappointed that the scritches only lasted 6 hours. Don’t worry buddy, more are coming.

#1: Dee Dee

Dee Dee deserves many rides in a Furrari.

#1: Dallas

I don’t look good in a skirt but I’ll be a cheerleader for Dallas whenever he wants.

#1: Cosmo

Cosmo can take whatever he wants out of my fridge.

#1: Corndog

Bone Appetit!

#1: Cookie

Look to the Cookie!

#1: Coby

Coby just has one question. Howl you doin’?

#1: Chili

The best dog is a chili dog.

#1: Chester

He has the corg key to my heart.

#1: Cherry

I’m mutts about you Cherry.

#1: Charlotte

She is the Queen.

#1: Captain Chaos

Captain Chaos wants you to join the bark side.

#1: Bob Barker

The price of toys and treats is always right when they’re for Bob.

#1: Blake

Where the pawty at? Wherever Blake is.

#1: Biscuit

Biscuit is indeed a snack,

#1: Big Man

Whatever Big Man says is law, whatever Big Man wants must be done.

#1: Betty

Betty is a real diamond in the ruff.

#1: Zeke


#1: Xinia

Xinia may just have hypnotic pawers because I’m extraordinary compelled to do nothing but give Xinia belly rubs.

#1: Willie

Me and Willie are going to go on a road trip and when it’s over I’m immediately taking him on the road again.

#1: Bertie

Bertie loves watching Mutt Damon movies and wants you to know she does like them apples.

#1: Vince

Okay Vince, here’s another treat, I’m sorry I almost stopped at 7.

#1: Mr. Miraculous

Mr. Miraculous is named such because it must be a miracle that any creature can be this adorable.

#1: Moe

Moe doesn’t just want to Seymour Butts but he wants to sniff them too.

#1: Miro

Miro’s smile could have defeated the darkness and gotten Alan Wake out of the dark place.

#1: Mimi

Mimi demands attention 24/7 and I’m not gonna turn her down.

#1: Melody

Melody was composed using only the good notes.

#1: Maggie

If Maggie was ever mad at me I would stand by the doghouse with a boombox to win her back.

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