FREMONT, Calif — In another masterful gambit, tech genius and renowned deadbeat dad Elon Musk announced that he has officially created a cure for the woke mind virus. The NeuralinKKK.
“The woke mind virus that has infected society is the greatest threat that humanity has ever faced,” stated Musk in a post on X – the Everything App. “This virus has turned men into women, women into men, it has killed free speech and it killed my son. But I am so proud to announce that I have officially found the cure for this terrible illness. The NeuralinKKK is a state of the art brain implant that not only protects your brain from being infected by the woke parasite but it actively fights against it.”
Musk further clarified how the device would work to protect against the virus.
“The virus can come for anyone at any time, but with the NeuralinKKK even the weakest beta soy boy snowflakes will be protected. Let’s say for example you’re minding your own business, decompressing after work by playing a video game or watching a movie and a black or gay character pops up trying to infect you. The NeuralinKKK will kick into action immediately to defend you by overloading your brain with anti-woke thoughts. Reminding you of the dangers of woke rhetoric and minorities. For example if a woke infected person tries to tell you the Civil War was about slavery, the NeuralinKKK immediately fills your brain with the truth about state rights.”
Lead NeuralinKKK engineer Jackson Ryker explained the process of creating the device.
“What we did was take a regular Neuralink and we filled it with data on all the anti-woke masters like Ben Shapiro and Jordan Peterson. Then we programmed it with AI to automatically download all that data into the brain whenever there’s a hint of the woke mind virus around. The AI automatically recognises all the telltale signs of the virus. Rainbow flags, women with man-chins, people of color, trans people, etc. Once the AI senses woke it immediately triggers a response. The brain is filled with a mixture of facts collected from our anti-woke experts and data specifically designed to activate anger receptors. It will also automatically log in to any of the user’s social media accounts and the AI will generate an anti-woke manifesto to post. All bases are covered. Wokeness will never infect again and all will be white with the world.”
When asked to clarify if he meant to say “All will be right with the world” Ryker refused to comment.
At press time, the first recipients of the cure were reportedly seen congregating in the woods and burning a cross.
