PACIFIC OCEAN — Video game protagonist Ecco the Dolphin had his adventure cut short when he found himself snagged in a tuna net, sources report.
“I had just sent Ecco off to the sunken ruins of Atlantis to retrieve the orbs I need to aid him on his quest, and he just disappeared above the water’s surface,” said the Asterite, an ancient marine life form. “Apparently a boat full of humans accidentally caught him in one of their tuna nets, which really sucks because we need Ecco if we’re going to defeat the Vortex and prevent them from depleting our oceans of their resources. I haven’t even given him the ability to regenerate lost health yet. This is an absolute disaster.”
Fisherman Zeke Barton reacted to the accidental catch.
“While we’re clearly out here to catch tuna, accidents can happen,” Barton admitted. “We sometimes bring up dolphins in our nets by mistake, but this one in particular looks pretty special. Before we brought him to the surface, we could see him swimming with these short bursts of speed and ramming into these gnarly-looking jellyfish. It seemed like he was up to something important. Maybe it has to do with that giant waterspout that occurred earlier. Come to think of it, we haven’t seen any tuna around since that happened. I’d better free him so he can get back in the water and save the ocean.”
Zoologist Kira Corcoran weighed in on the situation.
“Humans are often interfering with the adventures of animal video game characters,” Corcoran mentioned. “I’m always encountering tragic stories in my case studies, such as the time Funky Kong was shot by poachers who had snuck into Donkey Kong Country, as well as when Sonic the Hedgehog was struck by some maniac who had driven his Subaru onto Green Hill Zone. Video games are pretty similar to the world we inhabit, in that everything would be much better if humans weren’t there to tamper with nature.”
At press time, Ecco had been freed from the tuna net, only to be sickened by an oil spill from a nearby tanker.
