BUTTE, Mont. — Dozens of GamerGaters have become trapped inside their goon cave after the cave’s tunnel system collapsed, sources have confirmed.
“I called the authorities to alert them of the cave in, but so far all anyone has done since arriving on the scene is point and laugh,” said Bob Deaver, a seismologist from the area who noted the tremors when the tunnel system collapsed. “Apparently a structural engineer warned the men down there that the tunnel system was not built correctly, and a cave in was inevitable, but once they learned the engineer was a woman they dismissed her warnings. They claimed women didn’t have the mental acuity to become engineers. Apparently after that they made some comments about her appearance which I won’t repeat here.”
One of the entrapped men posted on X – The Everything App about the experience.
“LMAO. This is more #WokePropaganda. The tunnel system didn’t collapse. We wanted to be trapped down here. It was a controlled demolition, and anyone who says otherwise is too busy coping and seething to accept the facts,” said the man, who uses the handle “ChauvinistGamerChad.” “It’s sort of like the controlled demolition that’s happening to video games right now thanks to DEI and the shadowy cabal at Sweet Baby. It’s all so obvious once you’ve opened your third eye by gooning for hours and hours on end.”
Sharon Keegan, the mother of one of the men trapped inside the goon cave has been trying to get in touch with her son, but so far her calls have been ignored.
“My son, Bryce, told me he was going ‘gooning with the boys’ last week and I haven’t heard back from him since. I know he’s getting my messages because he has read receipts turned on,” Keegan said, “So far the only thing he’s written back is ‘Can’t talk. Gooning,’ which doesn’t make sense to me. What is gooning, and why are they doing it in a cave?”
At press time there were no plans in place to rescue the GamerGaters, who seemed quite content to shout anyone down who tried to help them.
