Exciting news comes this week from Walt Disney World’s guest relations for Star Wars fans who may be disappointed they never got to experience the Star Wars Galactic Star Cruiser. A brand new Mandalorian themed immersive experience is coming to Disney parks on both coasts that lets you hunt down and eliminate a target deemed treasonous to the house of mouse.
“We’re over the moon excited for this new experience we’re offering guests,” said Josh D’Amaro, head of Disney Experiences in a press release. “Recently we’ve had some people come out and voice some unfactual and totally baseless criticisms of our so callously referred to ‘Star Wars hotel’. This got us thinking of how we could best respond to such concerns, the answer was obvious. A new fully immersive adventure where our park guests can pay us for the opportunity to discreetly deal with those who would dare speak against us. Fun right?”
Some savvy internet sleuths were quick to suspect this new theme park feature was in part related to Jenny Nicholson’s popular YouTube video, ‘The Spectacular Failure of the Star Wars Hotel’ which prompted D’Amaro to respond in a new statement.
“Look we here at the Disney parks would never name any of these enemies of Walt by name, even if they had no trouble using my name while ruthlessly mocking my lightsaber technique. Besides, by not using their name directly we can better deny liability.” D’Amaro said while standing in front of a platoon of Stormtroopers holding extremely lifelike firearms.
“Let’s not focus on who or whom we don’t want our guests to exterminate for us, and instead focus on this amazing adventure you and your family can go on. You’ll be able to team up with Din Djarin to bring the villainous fugitive in hot or cold. Hopefully cold though. And for an extra $500 Grogu will even come along for the ride!”
In a recent tweet Nicholson expressed her concern about the new experience. Surprisingly she didn’t raise concerns about her own safety, but rather the quality of the experience.
“I mean if I’m to play the part of some sort of dissentious renegade that’s all fine and dandy I just want to at least be able to see it coming and not be seated behind a pole!” Nicholson followed up with another apprehensive tweet, “And will I be given a way to defend myself? Will I be captured and served food? How much does Disney plan to charge the Thompson family from Iowa for the opportunity to track me down and potentially freeze me in carbonite? This all sounds very risky financially speaking for Disney and park guests.”
At press time, the Disney employees who have been trying to explain to CEO Bob Iger that he can’t place bounties on people have reportedly been added to the list of targets for guests to hunt.
