LOS ANGELES — Local stoner Gus Robertson was reportedly way in over his head after loading up Devolver Digital’s Weedcraft Inc and discovering the gameplay revolved around a significant number of on-screen menus.
“Oh man. Oh jeez. I don’t…I don’t know if I can keep track of all of this right now,” said Robertson as he regretted trying out a higher dose of edibles in anticipation of becoming a virtual weed tycoon. “I really miscalculated how high I was gonna be. I think I’m breathing too fast. Am I breathing too fast?”
Developer Vile Monarch sympathized with Robertson, and hoped he was still enjoying the game even though he got blasted out of his gourd before booting up Steam.
“When we set out to make Weedcraft Inc, we wanted to create a simulator that explored the business of cannabis in an accessible and entertaining way,” said Vile Monarch Producer Lily Chambers. “We understand that the game might be a little intimidating at first look, but we want to assure stoned gamers like Gus that everyone knows you’re high and they’re thinking about you but not saying anything.”
Despite the setback, Robertson endeavored to continue playing, wanting to experience the multiple scenarios and unique cross-breeding mechanics that had attracted him to the game back a few hours ago before he got so stoned that he thought it was a good idea to eat jelly straight from the jar.
“I am going to have a good night tonight. This is my ‘High Night’ and I’m going to be high and I’m going to play this game,” he said to himself. “I am a smart person, and I can read these menus, and I’m not too stoned. I’m a normal guy, who can do normal things and be normal. OK. Let’s do it. I am really fucking high right now.”
At press time, Robertson had finally made it past the tutorial but was struggling to continue after being unable to stop giggling at naming his in-game company “Brewster’s Chill-ions.”
This is sponsored by Devolver Digital! Check out Weedcraft Inc on Steam for just $19.99 and make sure you’re the appropriate level of high before you boot it up and give yourself a panic attack.