KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo recently announced a new game in the Detective Pikachu series titled Detective Pikachu Returns, which features the game’s titular character solving the puzzling mystery of the chugging framerate shown off in the trailer.
“This outta be a tough one,” said Detective Pikachu moving at a staggering rate of 12 frames per second. “People can’t stop wondering why everything looks like shit. I mean, we’re the biggest media franchise in the world, and this is what we get? A glorified 3DS game in 2023? Hrmmm… better get some coffee first. I love coffee. That’s my whole thing, by the way.”
Detective Pikachu’s friend and companion, Tim Goodman, was also said to be on the case.
“People and Pokémon can not only be friends, but can also work together to solve compelling mysteries,” said Goodman. “Like for example, have you ever wondered why everything in Ryme City is sorta jittery-looking? I’ve got friends on the outside too who live in the Paldea region, and they say it’s even worse over there! It’s up to me and Pikachu to find out why Pokémon games undergo little to no quality control anymore.”
A tipster later came forward on the case identifying themselves as the legendary Pokémon Mewtwo.
“Word on the street is that The Pokémon Company just needs to move product,” explained Mewtwo. “They’re a kingpin around these parts. They can’t go a single holiday season without a big new release. You know why? Because when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, you get the women. Or at least that’s what I heard in a movie once.”
At press time, Nintendo offered no further comment on if new, more powerful hardware would be released any time soon.
