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Despondent Peter Molyneux Wanders Empty E3 Halls Looking for Someone, Anyone to Lie To

LOS ANGELES — Video game designer Peter Molyneux was reportedly spotted wandering the empty Los Angeles Convention, seemingly hoping for someone to lie to despite E3 being canceled.

“Hello? Anyone there? I’ve got a new game here. We’ve made two thousand unique NPCs, each with a functioning work schedule and courting rituals. Please…somebody…” Molyneux was reportedly heard saying to nobody in particular. “Milo?”

E3 organizers were shocked to learn of Peter Molyneux’s appearance, but some remained excited to see the man in action.

“I think it’s great Mr. Molyneux is here to keep the spirit of E3 alive. He’s like the Ghost of E3. Don’t you understand, Peter? E3 died four years ago!!!” said staffer Bailey Hall. “He’s such a legendary figure around here, and it wouldn’t be an E3 without someone here to bold-facedly oversell features that will definitely not be achievable by the tight launch windows set by their publishers. It’d be like running a game studio without committing labor violations — it’s gauche.” 

Peter Molyneux is expected to aimlessly wander the halls of the convention center for the entire weekend, accompanied by a rolling TV cart and a 24 inch flatscreen running his old Kinect tech demo, Project Milo. 

“I found Milo locked away in a closet around here. Utterly barbaric. My cutting edge AI achievement deserves far better than that,” Molyneux said, gently caressing the TV. “Did you know I actually managed to give Milo the intelligence of a real 10 year old? Of course it’s a 10 year old from 2009, so I can’t get him to shut the fuck up about Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.” 

Peter Molyneux was last seen hurling rocks at the spot where Bethesda revealed Oblivion, screaming “Come out and play, Todd Coward!”

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