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Dentist Unlocks Platinum Trophy After Finally Pulling Every Tooth

GREEN BAY, Wisc. — A dentist reportedly unlocked a platinum trophy after pulling a left canine, the last tooth he needed to have finally pulled every tooth.

“It’s difficult enough pulling one tooth, let alone all of them,” said Dr. Michael Armstrong, wiping sweat from his forehead. “And that’s if you can even get the right ones to spawn. I’ve been waiting for this last one for years. The drop rate is so low that I almost gave up. It was a pretty grueling process.”

Washing blood from his hands, Armstrong claimed the trophy was nice, but that he enjoyed the journey itself most of all. 

“It’s definitely something I wanted to do, and not something that I was obsessively chasing out of some perfectionist compulsion. Not necessarily enjoyable, but satisfying. Do I regret all the time I spent to get here, when I could have been enjoying new experiences?” Armstrong asked, gazing forlornly at a nearby picture of him when he was younger. He did not answer.

Dental hygienist Amber York claimed Armstrong still didn’t seem happy despite unlocking the platinum trophy.

“He’s been obsessively chasing that trophy for decades. I’m glad it’s over now. He was not having a good time,” said York, who doesn’t track her dental achievements. “He’d be working on people with a guide open next to him, sucking all the fun out of it. It’s more fun when you can just explore and discover how to remove the teeth on your own.”

At press time, Armstrong announced his retirement from dentistry, stating he longer felt the need to continue after unlocking the platinum trophy.

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