Above all, the Dark Souls series is known for its intricate lore, smart, vertical level design, and memorable bosses.
Oh, and all of the guys.
Little guys. Big guys. Armored guys and naked guys. Guys who grab you, guys who stomp you, guys who kick you and guys who flush you down their toilet mouths like crunchy mouthwash. The series’ excellent, genre-defining bosses—Great Grey Wolf Sif, Knight Artorias, a lone Torch Hollow—are the focus of ample praise and years of discourse, but for me, it’s the strange, unexpected Guys who call the kingdoms of Lordran, Drangleic, and Lothric home who make for some of the most memorable encounters in the Souls games.
Maybe it’s an enemy you met somewhere you didn’t expect. Maybe there’s only one or two of them in the whole game. Maybe it’s a monster design that confused you so much you beat it to death just in case and it never respawned— its absence the only thing to remind you it was ever there. Whatever it may be, these enemies contribute to what makes a FromSoft game a FromSoft game, and today I’ll be ranking my favorites based on how much I did not expect them there.
#33: Parasitic Wall Hugger
Perhaps the funniest thing about the Parasitic Wall Hugger is that new players probably won’t appreciate how weird it is on their first go-around. Blighttown is home to many horrors (physical and technical alike) that can start to blend together into a muddy, swampy soup, and the Wall Hugger looks like one more when you’re just trying to stay alive. But little by little, like its namesake, this enemy has a way of worming into your brain. What is it doing there? Why does it look like that? Why is it named “PrinceIzalith” in the game files? Was this thing a prince, once, before it took its current job guarding a pyromancy scroll and stomping its little feet if you get close? What a strange creature, but always a delight to have in class.
#32: The Black Knight in Undead Parish
Up a rusty ladder, at the base of a stone tower, lies the entrance to the Undead Parish in the first Dark Souls. But many players, myself included, will wonder: what lies at the top of these spiral stairs? The answer, as it turns out, is a swift death. The Black Knight atop the tower in Undead Parish is the first Black Knight most players will discover, a late-game enemy sprinkled into a few early-game areas. Always standing regal and alone, the Black Knights are the charred sentinels of Lord Gwyn’s fallen kingdom.
This enemy truly feels like a discovery on your first playthrough, standing apart from the lesser foes atop his tower, his back turned to you so he can admire the view. Ironically, for a hollow, this slim, stoic figure is a rare glimpse of humanity in Lordran. You could almost mistake him for an NPC when you first see him— that is, until he kicks your ass on your seventh attempt trying to cheese him.
#31: The Pursuer
They don’t call him that for nothing. The Pursuer is a tough early boss in Dark Souls II made more memorable for the fact that he never lets up after you kill him, appearing later as a mini-boss in many unexpected locations.This looming knight’s identity is unclear: Is he part of a covenant of similarly-minded individuals who all bear the name “Pursuer,” or is he the same knight you’ve killed over and over again, always returning for one final stand?
#30: Tree Lizard
What even are these? Seriously. And don’t say “Tree Lizard” because I know lizards and this, my friend, isn’t one. There are only two of these little guys in the entirety of Dark Souls, both clinging to trees in Darkroot Garden, but they’re creepy enough to make an impression. I bet some of you didn’t even know they existed. Suffice it to say, I did not expect them there and never want to see them again.
#29: Butcher
In a game filled with iconic enemies and bosses, there’s something about the comparatively simple Butcher that struck a nerve on my first playthrough. Something about the cramped level design in the Depths, the fact that you can watch her chopping away all you want before you eventually have to descend the stairs and face her, sidling up to that big table… it gets you panicking. The opposite of “What is this guy doing here?” enemy placement, the Butcher shows you exactly why she’s here. The question is, why are you here? Like the Black Knight, it feels like part of her is still sane, a unique trait in this world, made all the more frightening by her refusal to stop chasing you as far as you’re able to run.
#28: Hydra
Water is inherently scary in Souls games. For one thing, it reminds your monkey brain of New Londo Ruins and Shrine of Amana, two very not good places to be. For another, there’s the inevitable jump scare that comes from wading in a little too far and suddenly falling off a cliff to a watery fate Aldrich could only dream of. But most of all there are Hydras, which are scary for all the normal reasons. What sets the Hydra apart from other FromSoftware enemies for me, what makes it so unexpected, is the fact that it’s not a set-piece or gimmick boss. Its presence isn’t preluded by stepping through a fog gate. It simply exists in its natural habitat in this world. Its natural habitat being a lake with an average depth of half a foot except for that one spot where it’s 300 feet.
#27: Havel the Rock
The boy in the basement, as I like to call him. Havel has all the markings of a friendly NPC, with a unique armor set, funny title, and location conveniently isolated from enemies. That assumption quickly falls apart however when the guy immediately starts sprinting up the stairs as soon as he sees you, ready to flatten you in one hit. Of course, knowing Dark Souls, it would be safe to assume there are enemies waiting at the bottom of the world’s second-longest spiral staircase. But none of us expected just one dude. Let’s be clear: He’s not locked down there with you. You’re locked down there with him.
#26: The Pursuer
What? This guy again?
#25: Hippos (Ogres)
A hippo? In Dark Souls? It’s more likely than you think, since hippos are just as deadly in real-life as they are in Dark Souls II, and will not hesitate to kill you for your crime of existing in their general direction. Technically these enemies are called Ogres, not hippos, but I guarantee you not a soul who saw this thing guarding the coffin-that-makes-you-trans thought “that’s an ogre.” No, these are big, gnarly hippos and, like the aforementioned coffin, they will forever alter your body if you let them.
#24: Possessed Trees
You might think this entry refers to the Demonic Foliage populating Darkroot Garden in the first Dark Souls, but you would be mistaken. These are the trees that slowly creep around the garden floor, occasionally blocking your path but generally just freaking you the hell out whenever you look down to see their wriggling roots. They serve as poor obstacles and even worse enemies in the classic sense, but when it comes to the strange and unexpected they certainly leave a mark.
#23: Bell Keepers
They’re so tiny! They’re just little guys! To be perfectly honest I forgot there was an entire optional area devoted to these Very Serious Enemies in Dark Souls II, but boy am I glad I did my research for this list. The last thing I ever expected from a Souls game was to get ganked by a swarm of miniature, toy-looking men. Dark Souls II gets a lot of flak, largely undeserved, but you can’t fault it for whatever the hell was being pumped through the vents the day these guys were designed.
#22: The Stupid Capra Demon Dogs
For the sake of my mental health, I will not be writing about the dogs in the Capra Demon boss room at this time.
#21: Heide Knights
The lore of the Heide Knights makes it clear they do not belong in Drangleic. Their kingdom sunk into the sea long ago, and their bucket helmets and tattered capes speak to a lost history, divorced from the present time they seem to be stuck in. Their weary, hunched posture when you come across one, along with their total non-aggression until attacked, is highly unique in the series; one of the many charms of Dark Souls II. The first one you meet (until Scholar of the First Sin Edition relocated them) sits at the base of a large tree in a mossy clearing, head bowed as if a moment of peace and darkness will let his lost body slip back through the cracks of time, rejoining his brothers in the Heide Kingdom’s glory days.
#20: Just a Normal Chest
No idea why this is on here.
#19: Hellkite Drake
If I didn’t put the Hellkite Drake on this list, I’d be doing a disservice to every new player the Souls series has ever seen. No one expected the Hellkite Drake on their first playthrough. Everyone still thinks they can make it across the bridge before he sweeps down and grills them. Everyone still thinks even though they whiffed it that first attempt, if they hold up their shield and do a running jump at the last possible moment— no. You are getting grilled, friend. Roasted. Kabobbed. The only thing the Hellkite Drake loves more than that bridge is watching you waste an hour plucking arrows at it and doing some Looney Tunes hit-and-run strat you’re going to screw up long before you whittle down his health bar.
#18: The Pursuer
No, no, no. Not right now. I have to find a bonfire first, and only then will I fight you.
#17: Any Titanite Demon
I have never walked into a room in Dark Souls and expected to see one of these. Titanite Demons are so massive, so mysterious, and so oddly placed that you almost wonder whether FromSoftware knew what they were doing with them. My personal favorite is the Titanite Demon that appears in a perfectly ordinary, perfectly regal room in Anor Londo, nestled between rows of human-size benches and on the other side of a human-size doorway. I love how incongruous it feels, like a ship in a bottle.
#16: The Boulder
We love him when he’s good to us, and we hate him when he’s bad. He’s usually bad.
#15: Undead Devourers (Majula Pigs)
Far and away the funniest enemy in Dark Souls II, the three little piglets in Majula are remembered fondly by any player who thought they would try to farm a few extra souls before leveling up. They seem to be placed expressly for that purpose, after all. One can only assume at some point during Dark Souls II’s rocky development, these pigs stumbled upon some rather damning blackmail material, and the devs consequently let them choose their own stats. Reader, they are TANKY. Why are they so tanky? Why do they look like if a pig was shrink-wrapped until it was all muscle? Why is their hitbox non-existent? Why am I steering clear of their little corner of Majula like they’ve earned their independence?
#14: Imperious Knights
I always take a moment to appreciate when the Dark Souls games drop an enemy that thinks like a player. The two Imperious Knights found in Dark Souls II’s Undead Crypt are essentially PvP meme builds, dual-wielding greatshields to smash any unlucky adventurer. This fits with their characters too, since in their lore they were former warriors who tried to conquer the Crypt, only to fail and have their souls enslaved as its protectors. Imagine you and a buddy trying a meme build once and it going so badly you get stuck like that for all eternity.
#13: Solaire in Lost Izalith
What are you searching for all the way down here, old friend? Ah. So, has it come to this? My constant companion, my jolly cooperator, fallen like the rest, another mad plaything of the hollowing curse, now my enemy? So be it. I implore you: rest your head, weary knight of Astora. I will make it swift, as you would do for me. Swift and sure as your guide, the sun— the sun that will rise tomorrow and wonder where its brave knight is resting his feet on such a fine morning.
#12: The Man in the Mirror
Such a cool, discoverable moment. You’re walking through the freak show that is Aldia’s Keep, past a wall of mirrors, and then— CRACK! A knight starts pounding on the glass from the other side, until it finally gives way, he steps out, and it’s time for battle. When you’re finished, you’re left with questions: Did Aldia trap him there, or is he an escaped being of a mirror world? What’s that world like, and why was he so desperate to leave? Perhaps we’ll get the answers in future Dark Souls II DLC.
#11: Chaos Eaters
Chaos Eaters aren’t exactly rare, appearing in somewhat large groups during the late game of the first Dark Souls, but their grotesque, horribly evocative design means I’ve never felt at ease seeing one. You never expect to come across a Chaos Eater, perhaps because you just never want to come across a Chaos Eater. They’re big, they’re unnatural, and they have a swirly blender mouth that every nerve in your body is telling you to drop into just to see what happens. It took me several teenage years to complete my first run of Dark Souls after getting hard stuck on Ornstein and Smough, but it was seeing pictures of these guys and the invisible walkways in Crystal Cave that finally pushed me to keep going.
#10: The Pursuer
Yes, enough already, you pursue! You never give up! You make the undead your plaything! I get it! How many of these did they put in Scholar of the First Sin again?
#9: Roaming Souls
Everyone remembers their first few steps into Dark Souls II’s Shaded Woods, which are immediately followed by a tentative smack on the rear by one of these invisible guys and then a full-bodied sprint either back to the bonfire or deeper into the fog. We salute you, Roaming Souls!
#8: Skeleton Babies
If you showed me a picture of these guys at any point in my life up to an hour ago I would’ve told you that’s stupid and you should stop modding stupid things into the 2011 classic Dark Souls. Unfortunately, I have now been in possession of the knowledge that these are real enemies in Dark Souls for upwards of an hour, and I’m not sure what to make of it. I don’t remember them at all. Maybe it’s the game design equivalent of FromSoftware saying “now let’s do a silly one,” and if so, nice. We all deserve a day off at work.
#7: The Imperfect
Hey, the Imperfect called and they said they knew you. Want me to leave a message?
#6: Wretch
Dark Souls III enemies have been somewhat underrepresented on this list, perhaps because their designs and placements are more carefully considered than anything in the previous two games, or perhaps because the back half of III is nigh indistinguishable from Bloodborne in my memory. The Wretches make up for all of that by being so freaky and out of place, even in a world as freaky and out of place as Lothric. The first one you encounter in Irithyll Dungeon won’t even attack you, it simply hugs a wall in its cell and stares at you with those big, sad eyes and disturbingly human face. Wretches feel like they came from a completely different game. A bloodier, bornier game, perhaps.
#5: The Pursuer
Get outta here, man!
#4: The Chained Prisoner
The Chained Prisoner is hands-down one of my favorite one-off enemies. Everything about him is evocative, from his placement guarding the Chasm of the Abyss to his unique, constricted appearance. His mysterious name, his awful item drops, how he charges you with the pole embedded in his body, and how all but the biggest weapons glance off his chains make him feel more like a boss than a normal enemy. There is sure to be a good design story behind The Chained Prisoner, one I would love to hear. Something must have been planned for his boss room and was cut, or moved, or otherwise altered, but that doesn’t answer the question of why he exists in the first place.
#3: Vagrants
If you’re hip on all things Dark Souls, you were probably expecting this for a while now. Chances are good you’ve either never seen or heard of these guys before, or you’re like me and you’ve watched every IllusoryWall video about them while waiting for him to put out another Demon’s Souls compare-through (we love you IllusoryWall, take your time, but also please, I need it like a shark needs blood). Vagrants are the ultimate little guys of Dark Souls. An experimental mechanic of the first game, they have a very rare chance of appearing in response to players in other worlds not collecting their bloodstains or abandoning items. Very cool. Very weird. But not as weird as the next two enemies on this list, in my opinion.
#2: Deep Accursed
Props to FromSoftware for tucking the second-scariest enemy in Dark Souls III (Sewer Centipede is first, no contest) in a little room off to the side in Cathedral of the Deep, where it climbs down from the ceiling in perfect spider fashion to ambush you once your back is turned. Only two Deep Accursed exist in the game and they don’t respawn, but looking at and fighting one takes such a toll on your brain you’ll never forget it. If the Age of Deep Seas is coming as Aldrich envisioned and this is what it has to offer, just shoot me now.
#1: Rotten Vermin
Dark Souls II’s Rotten Vermin is the enemy I least expected, and perhaps the most forgettable of them all. First, let’s get this out of the way: She’s big. Rotund, even. She is a Queen in all senses of the word. What does she do? Unless you’re in a very specific conundrum when you stumble across her in a random side cave in The Gutter (that conundrum being “oh no, I’m poisoned and have tons of repair powder but no poison moss”), you’ll never know. She expels gas that cures poison but corrodes equipment. She will not fight back if you smack her, and you get nothing out of it except shame, so don’t do it. I like to think of her as an homage to the Parasitic Wall Hugger from Dark Souls, who started this list off. Pretty forgettable in the end, but you’ll never quite live down the surprise (and eventual disappointment) when you first came across it and exclaimed “WHAT is this doing here?”, only for a disembodied game developer to whisper back: “We don’t know either”.
