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Court Awards Custody to Whichever Episode of Bluey on at Moment

San Francisco – A divorce court in California has reportedly awarded custody of Mikey Pritchett not to either of his divorcing parents, but to whatever episode of Bluey is on at that moment. 

“It was definitely a shock,” said divorce lawyer Colby Bryant. “Sometimes custody will go to a grandparent or other guardian, but I’ve never seen an Australian TV show be given full custody of a child before. Sesame Street has guardianship of a bunch of kids but they’re usually the orphans they buy and turn into muppets. In the end, the ruling will almost certainly set a precedent for future cases, though hopefully we never see custody go to that bald bitch Caillou.”

The judge in the Pritchett case gave custody to whichever episode of Bluey was airing at that moment, a move celebrated by child psychologists. 

Bluey addresses a wide range of topics,” said Dr. Rose Alpaca, a lecturer on child development at UC Berkeley and fan of watching Bluey even when her children aren’t home. “There are episodes about sharing, self-confidence, and standing up for yourself, which are good for a child. There are also episodes about PTSD, infertility, and our powerlessness in the face of death, which usually leave parents in a puddle of tears while their child dances around to the episode’s end credits song. All we’ve found with kids who have been co-parented by Peppa Pig is that they start oinking and fat shaming their fathers.”

Lizzie Pritchett, Mikey’s mother, has appealed the decision in the hopes of getting at least joint custody with whichever Bluey episode is airing at that moment.

“I feel bad for how messy the divorce has gotten,” said Lizzie, who was basically raised by Mr Rogers and Fraggle Rock. “I never expected the judge to say that whichever episode of Bluey was airing at that moment would be a better guardian for Mikey than his parents. Then I watched the Sleepytime episode and I got it. That stuff is hard to compete with which is why I’m only appealing for joint custody. If I try for full custody and they play that shit in front of the judge, I’m screwed. My lawyers have even warned me that whichever episode of Bluey is currently airing at that moment might be given a conservatorship over me if I’m not careful.” 

As of press time Luke Pritchett, Mikey’s father, welcomed the decision as he had already made peace with never being as good a father as Bandit Heeler.

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