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Cool Driver’s Ed Course Uses Cruis’n USA Machine

CLEVELAND — A cool local driver’s education course holds the majority of its program inside of an old Cruis’n USA arcade machine, sources have confirmed. 

“It’s important to gain experience before you go out there in the real world,” said Ray Hagan, owner of Hagan’s Driving School, which consists of the 1994 Midway two seater coin-op machine and a couple of desks in his garage. “And once you’ve logged your 20 hours in Cruis’n USA, everyday traffic seems so slow and boring. It’s like you’re driving on easy mode. Plus, if you think you want to be a bus driver, we’ve got you covered. You just have to pick the bus before we start.” 

Graduates of the course praised the experience, as well as its low cost.  

“I learned everything I needed to know in Ray’s course,” said Selena Greene, who recently got her driver’s license after attending Hagan’s school. “Hands on the wheel, being aware of my surroundings, driving a stick shift. I could’ve spent a lot of money and gone to Sears and drove a real car, but Ray taught me everything I needed to know right there in his garage, and it just cost me 30 bucks plus my own quarters. People think he picked some random racing game, but they’re wrong, it’s a really accurate depiction of tearing through neighborhoods all over America.” 

“I had to take the driving test a few times,” she added. “But I think that’s just because I was so nervous.” 

Contrarily, some employees from the DMV urged the public to seek out properly accredited driving instructors. 

“I shouldn’t have to say this, but we can’t keep sending our employees out on road tests with people that have learned to drive on a 30-year-old arcade game in some guy’s garage,” said Laura Berman, an employee at the local Secretary of State office. “That game was fun as hell, but we can’t mistake it for a realistic simulation just because it blew our minds in the early nineties. And look, I’m not saying you should learn to drive on any video game, that’s a horrible idea, but if you do, shouldn’t you pick Gran Turismo or Forza or something? Certainly not Cruis’n USA.” 

As of press time, everyone in Hagan’s neighborhood had grown troubled after seeing him wheel an old Police Trainer cabinet into his garage. 

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