There’s nothing quite like escaping the daily dread and anxiety of modern life than with video games. Growing up alongside the flourishing console era has rooted core memories of classic gaming systems in my nostalgia-hungry lizard brain. Today, as an anxious and depressed adult, those memories remain as tiny pockets of serotonin ready to be popped like the pimples I am somehow still getting. Have these startup sounds stood the test of time, or has my aged pessimism gotten the best of me? This is every console startup sound ranked by how well they cure my depression.
#17 Wii U
Listen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qs8P3DDmcDM
Who at Nintendo thought this was a good idea? How does the cross between a submarine sonar with a bluetooth speaker connected sound give me the slightest excitement to play video games? I’m here to get my gamepad on, not hunt for the Red October.
#16 Game Boy/ Game Boy Color
Listen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixuNEGDIuIo
Too short! I don’t give a shit if this is the revolutionary handheld console that kickstarted a generation of portable gamers on the go. I need more than the two notes that could easily be confused for a Super Mario coin-collecting sound.
#15 PSP
Listen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ulb6Ic4517g
The PSP needs to make up its mind. Are you a ‘beep beep boop boop boop’ kind of console, or are you the jovial plucking of an acoustic guitar? Your indecisiveness scares and confuses me.
#14 Xbox
Listen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LsCYkWCA5KE
Jesus Christ! What the hell just happened? The Xbox’s startup sound feels more like an experiment gone wrong than a video game console. This is what turned Norman Osborn into the Green Goblin, and it’s living inside my Xbox? Hell no. I’m not gonna sleep well for weeks after hearing that.
#13 PlayStation 4
Listen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gKcaUIMz0J8
The older I get, the less nostalgia I feel for the modern console startup. The uninspired PlayStation 4 sound is giving corporate “we’re all family here” vibes. I want to be dazzled when I boot up the PS4 not patronized like I just punched in for my Last of Us shift.
#12 Nintendo Wii
Listen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3lJ6HUTCt1U
In a total 180 from Nintendo’s previous console, the Wii’s startup sound reminds me of my own mortality. The purgatory of video game consoles, the Wii’s minimalistic, white on white aesthetic posits an omniscient observer watching me swing a little stick around in my living room.
#11 PlayStation 2
Listen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9Ln-qyvX_I
You’re falling into a dimension of ascending rectangles and ominous purple fog. The PS2’s opening sound and animation is more reminiscent of a 5 Gum commercial than a video game console. The sweeping synth melody may remind one of the vast nothingness that is waiting for us after death, but the punctuating swoosh at the end is somewhat comforting. Death is coming, but it’s not here yet. Now let’s play Jak and Daxter!
#10 Xbox 360
Listen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zIuNrejw4EA
For an entire generation of nostalgia hungry gamers, the Xbox 360 sound is less of a console startup noise and more of what you have to get through before Halo 3 starts.
#9 PlayStation 3
Listen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ho4z2_22pU4
The full orchestral welcome that the PS3 gives us feels a little out of place. I’m here to play Red Dead Redemption not meet the Queen. Hearing classical music before playing a video game is just a reminder of the productive, sophisticated choices you could’ve made before you settled on Ratchet and Clank.
#8 Xbox One
Listen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZuN3Wse1DU
Short, sweet, and to the point. Too bad Microsoft probably laid off the person who made this.
#7 Game Boy Advance
Listen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_ZD3FxMcvQ
Initially, the arpeggio of notes that kick off the Game Boy Advanced opening screen seems to be the same blueprint as its predecessor, but the final twinkle elevates the entire composition. The whimsical conclusion lifts my spirits more than most human interactions. Like my Game Boy just winked at me.
#6 PlayStation 5
Listen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_6M31kHTzk
I’m not depressed hearing the PS5’s startup noise, but is that a complement to the sound itself, or am I just happy to be playing with my sparkly new toy? Recency bias aside, the confetti-like particles flying across the screen feels like a little surprise birthday party, something my friends would never remember.
#5 Sega Dreamcast
Listen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sOsw-Au9JCo
The Dreamcast’s tranquil startup puts my mind at ease. Unfortunately that zen calmness is shattered when the next thing I hear is, “THE HOUSE OF THE DEAD”
#4 Nintendo Switch
Listen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tmRNnOMdOvU
The reverberating snap that initiates the Switch’s bootup affects me like a trigger phrase waking up a sleeper agent. Who has time to be depressed when the clickety clicks of the joycons stimulate my small monkey brain like a fidget spinner to an 8th grader.
#3 Sega Genesis
Listen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxOEPBO4OqA
“Seeegaaa” The simplicity of the heavenly chorus that initiates this console is what I assume the angels sing as we approach the Pearly Gates.
#2 GameCube
Listen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ksZh-FHuKpk
While I’m sure that Nintendo’s intention with the GameCube’s startup sound was a whimsical flourish of notes, the reality sounds more like a very anxious cat was dropped onto piano. Thankfully, the mental image of that is enough to make me forget about my life for a little while.
#1 PlayStation
Listen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qg0BvV0HE4s
Epic. Awe inspiring. The PlaySation startup sound gives me purpose. It’s there for me on my good days and my bad ones, triumphantly welcoming me into the cyberspace of tomorrow (circa. 1995).
