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Confirmed: Best Zelda Game Objectively Whichever One Came Out When You Were 13

TOKYO, JAPAN — Settling decades of debate, Nintendo finally announced today that you were right all along about which ‘Legend of Zelda’ game was the best.

Far enough removed from the release and success of “The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom,” series creator Shigeru Miyamoto and series producer Eiji Aonuma have at last confirmed to Hard Drive that the greatest game in the long running franchise is, without reservation, the one that came out during your formative years.

“The last couple Zelda games have been okay, but there’s really no denying that we haven’t quite managed to hit the mark like we did with the one that we released while you were in middle school,” Aonuma admitted. “The level design was clearly superior, and no one can deny that it had the best setting of any Zelda game.”

Legendary Nintendo designer Miyamoto concurred with Aonuma’s statement. “That one also had the most thoughtful story with the most mature themes,” he told us.

“We were making a very deliberate statement with that specific Zelda game. For you to have grasped that, as young as you were, means that you were a particularly sophisticated teenager.”

Miyamoto also dismissed the idea that you only enjoyed that one the most because it came out during a time when you were young enough to still appreciate novel ideas and were also less likely to be bothered by or familiar with derivative ones, saying, “No, it’s just the best one, and that should be clear to everyone.”

Aonuma was quick to reiterate that everyone that ever disagreed with you was categorically wrong. Not even just about Zelda, but all media. He also wanted us to tell you how proud of you he is.

When asked whether or not they would make the game available on future Nintendo hardware, Miyamoto laughed maniacally and threw a GameCube controller at our head.

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