LOS ANGELES — Following a recent round of employee layoffs, Riot Games CEO Dylan Jadeja assured fans that all of their favorite titles and the company’s general output would be unaffected.
“The simple fact is, none of the people we’ve let go play an important part in what we do,” Jadeja explained. “We’re talking things like HR reps, community managers, artists, programmers. Who needs ‘em? Without all these extra employees bringing us down Riot’s titles will be better than ever before. And they’ll be made faster too.”
According to sources close to the CEO it was after that sentence he then turned to his computer monitor and said, “Computer, make me a video game.” Reports indicate Jadeja repeated this command multiple times, unsure what might be causing the delay.
“There’s not even a mic on his computer,” said receptionist Kristin Straight, one of Riot’s remaining employees. “I don’t get it. I always thought Dylan was a great boss before this. He always seemed so effective at delegating … which, now that I say it, I guess means he just told people what to do all the time.”
Despite criticism of his recent decisions, both externally and within the company, Jadeja insists the future is bright. “Even the best changes have some short-term difficulties while everyone adjusts,” Jadeja said, while staring at his static monitor. “Once it’s working, though, you’ll see what we can do. Now, Computer, make sure the video game has good graphics, too. And lots of cool weapon skins to buy! And maybe a good story. Make it now, Computer. Thank you.”
Following a few moments of silence, he pushed his face to the monitor and yelled “WHERE IS THE VIDEO GAME I ASKED FOR?”
“At first I thought he wanted to replace everyone he fired with AI. I mean, maybe he does, I honestly don’t know anymore,” continued Straight. “I tried showing him some AI art sites to get him to stop, and he said ‘I don’t want to make pictures, I want to make video games!’” She turned around to look at her boss’s office, where he was threatening to give the computer a pay cut. “I don’t think he knows what people actually do to get games made.”
At press time, Jadeja had begun shouting his bank account number out loud after an email claiming to be from “The Computer” said it required this information to make a video game.
