MUSHROOM KINGDOM — Two protestors are still missing after allegedly throwing soup at the famous Bob-Omb Battlefield painting currently sitting in Princess Peach’s Castle.
“I remember those two throwing some kinda soup or goop at the painting,” said a Lakitu, who witnessed the vandalism. “After that, they each got real still, crouched down low, then jumped backward and flipped right into the painting like it was made of water or something. I’m so pissed I didn’t film it. Usually I get everything — I’ll even film someone falling to their death or killing a baby penguin if it means getting the best shot and I just totally biffed this one.”
“I wish I could give you more information, but I don’t have much,” he added. “All I know is that these guys showed up wearing red and green with matching overalls. They threw soup on the painting and then they just jumped right in! I don’t know if that’s some sort of activist group or cult or what, but it was pretty weird.”
Despite the whereabouts of the protestors remaining unknown, a video manifesto released by the duo has gone viral online.
“We have-a one message for the princes and princesses of the Mushroom Kingdom. Let’s-a-stop killing this planet,” says one of the protesters in the video in a deep voice, their face blacked out to keep their identity anonymous. “We will not-a let Cool, Cool Mountain become the next Dire, Dire Docks. If we-a do not-a act now, those a-docks won’t be the only thing that is dire in this-a Mushroom Kingdom.”
At press time, authorities arrested well-known graffiti artist Shadow Mario for good measure.
