COASTAL TOWN 一 Childish RPG protagonist and humanity’s last hope for peace, Tredgar Stormslayer, has expressed a general dislike for all healing potions, unless they are cherry flavored.
“Shut the fuck up and listen to the words coming from my mouth. I am a grown fucking man. I know what I like and I know what I don’t like. Honey-Lemon? Disgusting. The only people who claim to like Honey-Lemon are losers who think that’s a more ‘mature’ choice than cherry,” said Stormslayer. “Potion brewers nowadays can extract flavors from all these mystical fruits like grangleberries and fangerines but nothing will ever come close to classic cherry. I mean, there’s a reason kids love that shit.”
Shopkeepers across the land have heard tales about the protagonist and his peculiar taste buds.
“Even though this shop may seem specifically tailored to supply heroic travelers with weapons and items for battle, we also have a loyal customer base of working class families. So when this asshole came in and bought out our entire stock of cherry flavored healing potions, I got an earful from the community,” said local shopkeeper Gilgorram Giller. “I don’t really have much faith in this guy to save us from the rapid spread of the Doom Wretchers, but at least I’m finally selling my overstocked sippy straws with these potions.”
A coalition of creatures named the Doom Wretchers have also expressed confusion after facing the protagonist in battle.
“One night, we were camping and then we heard someone rummaging through our chests that were filled to the brim with potions. We sounded the alarm and this mammoth of a man drew his weapons. I was scared shitless,” said Zaaark, son of Zaaarkus. “But we ended up beating the absolute shit out of this guy. At one point he pulled out one of the potions he stole from us, drank it, spit it out, and then said ‘Yucky!’. Listen, I get that Doom Wretcher taste buds and human taste buds are biologically different, but I thought we could at least agree that strawberry flavored medicine is palatable.”
“Most guys we fight stop mid-battle to chug multiple health and magicka potions. It really sucks; we hate it,” Zaaark explained. “So it was kinda nice fucking this guy up.
At press time, Tredgar had tragically perished after refusing a bowl of Energizing Salad because “tomatoes are nasty.”