CLAN BASE – An immaculately constructed Rust base was reduced to rubble by a marauding gang of hormonal teenage boys who caught wind of a female presence within the fortress walls via proximity chat, sources confirmed.
The base, a masterpiece of defensive architecture, was designed and fortified by a crew of seasoned Rust veterans, including one woman.
“As soon as they heard my voice on proximity chat talking about going on a mining run, all hell broke loose,” the woman, who asked to remain anonymous, said of the incident. “They started chanting ‘gamer girl, gamer girl’ like some kind of demented mantra and hurling themselves at our walls with reckless abandon.”
Witnesses reported that the pack of teenage boys, all between the ages of 13 and 16, descended upon the base in a nearly unstoppable frenzy of hormonal rage, armed with nothing more than basic tools and a horrifically confused view of how to get the attention of women.
“It was like watching a horde of zombies, but instead of brains, they were screaming for their beloved ‘gamer girl,’” said one onlooker, who saw the attack from a helicopter. “I’ve never seen such a terrifying – yet effective – display of thirst. GGWP.”
Experts believe that the boys’ ability to bypass the base’s defenses was fueled by a potent cocktail of testosterone, G-fuel, and the tantalizing prospect of interacting with a female gamer.
Dr. Debra Brookheimer, a renowned expert on adolescent behavior, explained the motivations.
“These boys are at an age where the mere mention of a girl on their serve can trigger a primal response that overrides all rational thought,” she said. “Harnessing this power has long been one of the most powerful weapons known to man – the other team should have saw it coming. Needed more turrets.”
As the base crumbled under the relentless assault, the crew could reportedly only watch in horror as their impeccable design was destroyed.
“I don’t even have a girly reference in my username,” the targeted gamer said. “I guess I either need to be more careful about using voice chat or just practice my AK spray downs as I suppose I will need to fight half the server every wipe.”
In the aftermath of the viral incident, Rust meta has shifted with many YouTube base designers proposing adding a protective sign saying “no girls allowed” on any base just to be safe.
