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“Let’s Get the Old CoD Clan Back Together!” Texts Only Remaining Guy In Friend Group Without Kids

Norfolk, VA — With the release of Modern Warfare III, 33-year-old Clayton Rhimes is hoping to get his old Call of Duty clan back together, despite him being the only one remaining who is not a busy and broke parent now, texted sources confirmed.

“We used to absolutely dominate COD search and destroy lobbies. Our clan tag was PWNd – pretty cool, right?,” reminisced Rhimes when asked for comment. “But when I hit up the groupchat there’s nothing but crickets. One guy just left without saying anything.”

Lonny West, a former member of PWNd who received a text from Rhimes, admits he didn’t even recognize the number at first when he was asked to ‘hop on MWIII.’

“I legit haven’t heard from that dude in like a decade. I thought it was one of those spam bots,” said West, now a corporate tax attorney. “Then it all came rushing back to me. Our MW2 clan, those all-nighters we used to pull, quickscoping on Rust! Man, I wish I didn’t have a career or anyone who loves me for who I really am so I could play all day, just like Clay.”

Rhimes, who texted 12 people, said he’s yet to find anyone to play with from his old clan.

“I didn’t realize everyone in PWNd sold out. Back when we were grinding for gold gun skins and hitting 10th prestige we promised each other we’d be bigger than FaZe,” he said. “Now these guys just want to talk about mortgage rates.”

At press time, Rhimes was seen texting the one guy from high school who they didn’t let join the clan because his KD ratio was under 1.5.