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CoD MW3 Zombies Just a List of People Who Bought the Game

LOS ANGELES — The online gaming community is reeling after players eager to dive into the much-anticipated Zombies Mode (MWZ) in the new Call of Duty were met not with the historically popular game mode but instead with a PDF file listing the names of individuals who purchased the game.

Zombies Mode, a staple of the franchise known for its cooperative play and challenging scenarios, was expected to make up a meaningful part of the community’s play time. However, gamers who accessed early copies of MW3 found themselves redirected to a document categorizing them as “still braindead enough to keep buying this,” according to player Joe “T_Bagz_u420” Larenzo.

“They even had a picture of me with a big red stamp over it that said ‘MORON,’” Larenzo said. “Isn’t that some kind of privacy violation or something?”

Sources close to the development team suggest that this unorthodox strategy is the result of extensive market research. The data reportedly indicates that the Call of Duty fanbase, known for its loyalty and enthusiasm, would reliably invest in each new installment, regardless of its actual content or value.

Feelings of betrayal and disappointment have been widespread among longtime Call of Duty players.

“I’ve been a dedicated fan since World At War. This feels like a slap in the face. It’s a shock,” stated one disillusioned gamer. “But honestly even if I’d known I would have still have bought it.”

The contentious PDF file also seems to specifically highlight those who pre-ordered the game, a decision that has left many questioning the company’s intentions.

In response to requests for comment, an Activision representative offered a dismissive retort: “What are you gonna do? Cry?”

At press time gaming forums and social media platforms are erupting with speculation and debate, with some posturing if the “woke mind virus” is to blame.