SEATTLE, Wash. — Alan Murk, a local boyfriend who has professed a fear of long-term commitment, reportedly watched the first episode of One Piece and intends to watch the whole thing.
“We’ve been together for years,” said Murk’s girlfriend, Pam Dylan, who has yet to formally meet his parents. “He’s told me we can’t move in together because it’s too fast and too big a move and he’s scared of being tied down. Yesterday I went to his place and I could hear the One Piece theme tune through the door. I would have preferred hearing another woman’s voice.”
Anthony Ryland, a relationship expert, said this was a common behavior in young people who are commitment averse.
“We’re seeing more and more of this each year,” said Ryland, who is waiting for A Song of Ice and Fire to be finished by George R.R. Martin before he can propose to his boyfriend. “A man will pick up the first volume of Golgo 13, an ongoing Manga with 215 volumes, before they will introduce their girlfriend as anything other than their friend.”
Murk defended his choice as being the smartest move in the long run.
“Don’t get me wrong, I love Pam,” said Murk after finishing the Arabasta Saga. “But is she as dependable as Luffy? As Usopp? I mean, she hasn’t got a patch on Zoro. Once I hit episode 1000, I’ll be ready to talk about thinking about the conversation we could have about considering moving in together. Or maybe I’ll wait for Eiichiro Oda to finish the whole thing. Oh, I’ve just got a text from Pam. Yeah, she broke up with me.”
At the time of reporting, Murk decided that this is the perfect time to start watching every episode of classic Doctor Who rather than talking to his girlfriend about whether she should have a toothbrush that she leaves at his apartment.
