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Bobby Kotick Screams Himself Hoarse In Touching Farewell Voicemail to Employees

SANTA MONICA, Calif. — Employees at Activision Blizzard received an unexpected farewell message from their soon-to-be former CEO Bobby Kotick in their voicemail inbox recently, sources from within the company confirmed.

Kotick, who became CEO of Activision in 1991 and then of Activision Blizzard in 2008, is known for his desire to “take the fun” out of making video games, annualizing every half decent idea his employees come up with then shuttering their studio the moment the profits dip. He also sometimes threatens to kill people, sources confirmed.

Industry experts have said that when he walks out of Activision Blizzard HQ for the last time on December 29th, he can do so with his head held high having achieved his goals and can be assured the games industry is far worse off than when he found it. 

One current employee shared their feelings about the farewell message with a reporter.

“We all knew Bobby would be leaving after the Microsoft acquisition, but for him to sign off with one of his patented ‘I am going to throw you into a woodchipper’ voicemails is a nice touch,” said the employee, who requested to remain anonymous. 

“It just goes to show that even when he has one foot out the door, he can still take the time to let his employees know just how much he despises them.”

Another Activision Blizzard employee went on to talk about the CEO’s drive for success.

“Oh, Bobby was a pioneer. When he came on the scene he was one of the first to try and really exploit the video games industry, and in that I think he’s been largely successful. I usually try to stay off his radar, but getting one more message from him where you can hear the spit flying from his lips… it’s kind of special.”

Kotick’s most recent assistant was unable to hear the message as they sustained permanent hearing damage due to Kotick’s constant beratement, but a transcript of the message was provided for them to read.

“That’s our Bobby alright. He always thinks of the most creative things he’s going to shove down your throat,” the assistant said, fighting back tears. 

“It’s honestly really sweet. I remember that back when I first started, they used to frighten me, but then I learned belittling people and making them feel inferior is how he shows affection.”

At press time, Bobby Kotick was seen coercing a homeless man into diving off the Santa Monica pier to retrieve a dollar bill he had attached to a fishing hook.

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