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Blizzard Announces Pat Robertson Coming to Diablo IV

IRVINE, Calif. — Blizzard released a teaser video this morning that seems to indicate recently deceased televangelist Pat Robertson will be coming to their netherworld set hack and slash hit Diablo IV, sources have confirmed. 

“Yoooo, they’re doing it, that’s so cool,” said one Diablo IV fan upon seeing the unprompted footage. “We all know that if there’s any kind of god whatsoever, Pat Robertson went straight to hell like right away. It’s good to see that represented in as many versions of hell as possible. Hopefully other games set in hell follow suit, like Doom, Metal: Hellsinger, and Cuphead.” 

The short trailer merely shows a door creaking open and the familiar voice of Robertson saying “Daddy’s home, fellas.” It is unclear at this point how or if the character will affect Diablo IV gameplay

“That’s pretty crazy that they apparently crunched just to get this asshole straight into hell,” said Stephanie Stone, another local Diablo fan. “But then again, Robertson blamed 9/11 on homosexuality and the Haitian earthquake on their pact with the devil, so I’m not exactly mad if part of his legacy is languishing in hell for the duration of Diablo IV’s success, which seems to be the immediate future as long as everyone stays online.”

Many gamers, however, criticized what they saw as merely another company bowing to the popular whims of the moment. 

“Oh please,” said one angry Twitter user that goes by the handle Rick2386261. “Putting Pat Robertson in hell is just more woke Pride Month nonsense. That whole message that comes up in the game about how [Robertson] said Hurricane Katrina was a result of abortions was so clearly written by some stupid liberal. Cry more about it. Geez, so I’m down Diablo and Cracker Barrel this week. Fuck!” 

As of press time, Nicolas Cage was also coming to Diablo IV, just ‘cause. 

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