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Blizzard Announces Overwatch 2 Heroes’ Mythic Skins Are Whatever Sexual Orientation You Want

IRVINE, Calif. — Blizzard announced that any hero fitted with a mythic skin in Overwatch 2 will become whatever sexual orientation the gamer who earned it wants, company officials confirmed in a press conference.

“If you bought the battle pass and then grinded to reach tier 80 by playing nonstop for hours a day, days on end, you have earned your mythic skin,” said Overwatch 2’s Character Director Sefi Morditch. “And with this rare honor comes the option to make Junker Queen canonically a lesbian. Or Sigma bisexual. Or you could even make Tracer straight. Love is love – as long as your parent’s credit card clears when you make your purchase.”

The new feature, which was added in a 5GB update this week, is composed of an on-screen popup when an unlocked mythic skin is selected for heroes.

“CONGRATULATIONS on your recent purchase and prolonged gameplay this season!” the message states.  “This hero is now open for you to interpret their sexuality however you see fit. Get as specific as you want! Note: this feature does not impact gameplay.”

The player is then prompted to enter the character’s mythic sexuality on the keyboard, with each letter entered costing 500 coins of in-game currency, including spaces. Once the payment has been confirmed, a new popup appears on screen for 10 seconds that reads “[HERO] is now [TEXT ENTERED]!” before disappearing forever.

Gamers online immediately had mixed reactions to the announcement and update, with some confused as to why this needed to be introduced at all.

“As far as characters go, Overwatch 2 is a pretty diverse game already. It’s not perfect, sure, but I don’t think releasing skins that can turn heroes gay or whatever is going to help. It’s honestly kind of problematic,” wrote silver-ranked PC player Lix_Zenz_Ballz in a Reddit thread on the subject.

“How would this even work? Is Kiriko only into chicks if she’s equipped with the mythic Amaterasu Kiriko skin, or does her wearing it even just once mean she’s into that forever going forward if I say so? Don’t get me wrong, I’m willing to pay every time it’s equipped, but this is a distinction that has important implications for the game’s lore and my bank account,” wrote diamond-ranked XBOX player VeryTiredHippo2003.

At press time, Morditch was seen ignoring all questions from reporters about rainbow capitalism while adding that mythic skins with this feature will soon be released for every remaining hero who currently doesn’t have one, except Cassidy.