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Big Revelation Incoming: This JRPG Character Just Walked Up to a Pointy Cliff

THE FOOTHILLS OF AMENHYRST PEAK — A character in the JRPG game Jewel Blood: The Bewitching has reportedly wandered over to a pointy cliff, which almost certainly indicates a long winded speech and/or a big plot point are imminent, sources within the main party have confirmed. 

“Oh yeah, we better get over there,” said Lynnmar the Elven, when she noticed that the party’s leader had moseyed over towards Amenhyrst Peak, holding the crystals they’d just obtained from the haunted swamp. “He’s gonna be so pissy if we miss the first half of the monologue. Plus, he won’t repeat himself either. I missed one of these one time and spent an entire year not knowing who or what we were going after. I just had to keep pretending to know what the whole deal was. It totally sucked.” 

The monologue given by Rivenmore the Bladed, the party’s leader, was mostly a summation of events up until this point, followed by the reveal that he’s known all along that the King of the surrounding lands was corrupt. 

“He’s so dramatic,” said Jarx the Mage, a longtime party member. “Like, just tell us that shit in the morning while we’re eating breakfast or something. It’s so dramatic to wait until sunset and get up a few feet above all of us to talk about the adventure we’ve been on so far.” 

“I know asshole,” he added. “I was right there with you.” 

Most party members agreed that the so-called “revelation” had essentially boiled down to contextualizing everything they’d learned in the last day or two and overexplaining what felt like some pretty obvious conclusions to everyone involved. 

“Does he think I just got here,” asked Spike, the little talking dog.  “Yeah, all signs do point towards this having something to do with The Chosen Family. That’s why they’re The Chosen Family! God! Why did we let this guy be the leader? We were fooled by the size of his sword, huh? I know I sure was. Boy, we really blew it.” 

As of press time, everyone could tell Rivenmore was done with his speech and started clapping for him.

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