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“beihdn u” Types Teammate Without Mic Just in Time for You to Turn and Die

VANCOUVER – Local gamer Jason Chen is the ideal teammate, source say, in that he has no microphone but is always willing to jam in a series of letter close enough to “behind you” just fast enough for you to read them and be killed.

Chen reportedly works multiple food delivery gigs while living in his parents’ rent-controlled apartment complex and loves to wind down with a good night of competitive gaming, but can’t afford the luxuries of a microphone or headset.

“I don’t let those finer things hold me back. I’m going to play ranked CS2 and Valorant regardless. It’s important to break through these ridiculous barriers in the gaming community. No headset, no problem I always say,” Chen said confidently.

Chen claims he always lets his teammates know before the game has started that he has no mic but promises he will type out all his comms. However, many times the lobby strangely restarts and he has to find a new match. He believes it’s due to server and routing issues.

“I was leting u no an enmy was flnking as son as I saw it and cold wrte it,” Chen reportedly typed out in explanation to a teammate at 30 words per minute. This came after an instance where a teammate confronted him about why he just stood there and watched an enemy flank his entire team. They went on to lose that game but Chen claimed it was a skill diff rather than any sort of in-fighting.

Studies show that gamers with no microphones who type a lot tend to face unnecessary online harassment, from being called a scared squeaker to a broke boy, but that doesn’t stop Chen.

“He wrote ‘behind u’ once but didn’t say to who specifically and we all turned around and got aced,” says one disgruntled ex-teammate.

“Get a microphone. It’s 2024,” said another former teammate after they lost a 2v1 because Chen was busy typing “ply togter.”

As of press time, Chen actually recently stated that he does have a microphone but finds it uncomfortable and ruins his “flow.”

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