Baldur’s Gate 3 has received widespread acclaim for its rich, intricate storytelling, but not even the Mona Lisa is perfect. With innumerable lines of dialogue, little details were bound to be overlooked along the way. Let’s explore the eight biggest plot holes in Larian Studios’ massive CRPG. Minor spoilers ahead!
#1 — How Does Astarion Get That Hair with No Reflection?
For someone so obsessed with being beautiful, you’d think Astarion would even know what he looks like. Our favorite vampire spawn has no reflection, which forces us to ask: seriously, how does he get his hair like that? What products does he use? His perfectly coiffed, wavy mane is a glorious triumph of expert styling and stays immaculate even during the heat of battle.
Perhaps Astarion’s former master, Cazador, was employing someone to doll up his spawn, but if that’s the case, it should’ve fallen apart well into the player’s adventure. Unless someone at the Emerald Grove was selling a month’s supply of coconut oil and pomade, we’ve got a flawlessly tussled plot hole on our hands.
#2 — Why Doesn’t Wyll Enjoy Being Treated like a Dog by a Sexy Demon Lady?
Is he stupid? Wyll may be a bit of a playboy, but even he should be able to tell when he’s got a good thing going. His warlock patron, Mizora, refers to him in canine terms: she talks down to him, rewards him for obedience, punishes him for going astray, and even gets physically rough with him at times.
For the righteous, altruistic Wyll, this is a major point of conflict, which makes absolutely no sense at all. Wyll is living a fantasy that most of us can only dream of, and to top it all off, he even gets magic warlock powers out of the deal. Yet, despite having a perfect-ten sugar mommy granting him everything he could ever ask for, Wyll is constantly at odds with Mizora. Goddamn, if you’re unhappy, Wyll, we’d be glad to take your place. Do devils have Instagram?
#3 — Why Is Gale Shredded?
What is he lifting? Books? Come on. The quintessential nerd wizard has a glistening physique chiseled by the gods, and frankly, we won’t stand for it. With a measly 8 strength, Gale should be skinnyfat with soft, uncalloused skin. Instead, he looks like a rugged mountain man surviving exclusively on flame-broiled venison. Maybe this body is just a long-term side effect of chugging health potions because you have 11 AC.
#4 — Why Does Shadowheart Calls Astarion a “Pasty Ghoul” When She Is Also White?
If you play as Astarion and get caught feeding on Shadowheart, she calls him a “pasty ghoul,” a scathing insult that surely felt worse than a stake to the heart. There’s just one problem: our resident goth girlfriend is barely a shade darker than a literal vampire. You know what they say about glass houses, but Shadowheart clearly doesn’t live in one, or else she’d be getting more sunlight.
#5 — Why Are There Romance Options Aside from Karlach?
Talk about bad writing! Why did Larian waste so much time developing secondary romance options when Karlach was already in the game? Did they seriously not notice she was there, or did they genuinely think she could be outclassed by an alien with a tiny nose? According to Larian, Karlach is only the second most popular romance choice, which means the studio’s incompetence has caused the majority of players to stumble onto inferior lovers, namely: anyone who isn’t a seven-foot flaming beefling.
#6 — How Did Shadowheart Think Those Bangs Were a Good Idea?
Yes, there is more than one hair-related plot hole. While Shadowheart’s hairstyle gets an upgrade in Act 3, she starts the game with the choppy, uneven bangs of a teenage bowl cut. The bangs should reasonably cover her circlet, but luckily, it magically sticks out from underneath like an anime girl’s eyes. We have to assume the Mother Superior chose this cut, but even she ought to know better. Shadowheart looks like she has a My Chemical Romance poster over her bed, but then again, maybe that’s perfectly in character.
#7 — Why Is Everyone British?
Gods save the queen! Someone needs to help us out with this one, because we’re totally lost. Why does almost every character talk British instead of normal? What, Larian didn’t have the budget for real voice actors like Chris Pratt? Even the subtitles spell words incorrectly, featuring such outlandish errors as “colour” and “fantasise.” This particular plot hole is about as lazy as it gets—all we want is a little proofreading, please!
#8 — Why Can’t I Beat Honor Mode?
Honor mode (or “honour,” according to the game) is the newest, most challenging difficulty in Baldur’s Gate 3 and for some reason I’m unable to beat it. There’s no way this is my fault. As a veteran gamer with hundreds of hours in BG3, I should be able to make this mode my bitch. Instead, I keep losing to the harpies on the beach. Hopefully, this gets fixed in a future patch. Until then, mark down another fat, gaping plot hole!
Baldur’s Gate 3 is a triumph of story-focused games, but Larian really needs to address these glaring problems. Of course, this will have to involve deleting every companion besides Karlach.
