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Alert: Copies of Stellar Blade Demo in Your Area Want to Be Played

KANSAS CITY – Demos of Stellar Blade, the hottest game in your area, are waiting to be picked up by gamers just like you and played hard, according to an alert.

Manly gamer Travis Stamps says he received the alert, but wasn’t interested.

“A crazy amount of ads just started popping up on sites that I frequent,” Stamps said. “But I wasn’t going to give in to my animalistic gamer ways. I can get any game I want. I don’t need these ads trying to get me locked down into their game.”

Stamps was reportedly unwilling to disclose the specific websites he visited, instead offering to screen share via Zoom to show some of the ads ravaging his web browsing.

“A copy of Stellar Blade is just two miles away,” one ad read. “Don’t empty your Burst Gauge until you’ve played Stellar Blade,” read another. “You won’t last through the entire demo,” yet another teased, as the game’s protagonist stared into the reader’s eyes.

Stamps says he evaded the allure of the ads. He wondered why his ad blocker had forsaken him and put him in the situation in the first place, but insisted he would be installing a new ad blocker as soon as he could. Then another ad popped up on his screen.

“No microtransactions. No bullshit,” the ad read. “Just hot, anonymous Stellar Blade.”

At press time, Stamps admitted he had clicked multiple ads and entered his credit card information no less than thirty times.

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